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Tuesday, December 6, 2011

A Schizophrenic Life!

Life has felt like utter CRAZINESS!! It's been all good though. So, my husband finally found a job that he likes very much. It is in a pharmaceutical warehouse and they are expanding so although it is a temp to hire position, it is extremely likely they will keep him past the 90 days. The possibility for growth is there too since it is developing and they want to promote from within. It has been such a blessing. He works Wednesday through Saturday, four 10 hour shifts and goes in at 5 and gets off around 3:30. It allows him to still be able to see me and the kids after work, watch our little one 2 days out of the week and provide for us. My dad has been watching the boys on the days that my husband works and he is all too happy to do it because it fills his days. The boys love it too. We both feel like a weight has been lifted. We will be able to go Christmas shopping this weekend and not have to worry about where the next check is going to come from. When you trust in God, He will provide for you in His time, and it may or may not coincide with your time but if you have faith and surrender, He will not leave you without.

School has been hectic. I am finally in the home stretch. I can definitely get 2 A's (biology and complementary healthcare). In nutrition I am right on the cusp between an A and a B. I have to kill the final to get an A. My instructor posted yesterday that if we donated to a food drive they have for HIV/AIDS patients, she would give us 1 point for every item we bring with a maximum of 5 points. I have a whole box of stuff, like 15 things, just in case she feels extra generous and wants to give a little extra. I figured out my grade in the class and if I get a 90% on the final, I will be at an 89%. That's how close I am. In chemistry, I am on the cusp of a B and a C. He breaks down his percentages for grades a little different, but hopefully I can make the cut. I feel like I aced the test today but I still doubt myself a little.

I have 1 paper to write and 3 tests to take and then I'm free! Not really, I have 3 weeks off between the semesters and I really want to get some stuff done around the house and review some stuff for the next semester. I have a couple books that I would like to read too. I also want to run and work out a bit more since I have the time and my intention is to run the half marathon in February. I figure if I pay for it I can't and won't procrastinate, right? Lol! I got it though. I haven't been able to run lately because my allergies have been crazy and I have a gross cough that is exacerbated by cold air and laying down. Isn't that a combination? So running out in the cold is no bueno and it doesn't let me sleep comfortably without getting the NetiPot out every night. So now that I have written down all this "stuff" I want to do during my break, it sounds schizophrenic. And so are the days of my life!

Friday, October 28, 2011

Yes I said it, 18 credit hours!!

I've been kind of crazy lately. Last week I was Crazy Cookie Lady and I kind of wore myself out. I had 2 tests and a paper due this week and this was a tough week because I just didn't have anything left in me. So I've decided I definitely have to get better at balancing my life out and not wearing myself too thin. When I thought about my transfer to ASU I knew it would be different then when I was at Phoenix College, but I didn't take into consideration how much my schedule would change and how much I depended on my schedule to help me do well in my classes. I follow a couple of other blogs of women who are currently in medical school and are mothers and the overwhelming theme I have heard from them is that it is necessary to live on a schedule and follow it in order to get through school successfully. I have definitely learned my lesson this semester and my life will be scheduled from now on.

So next semester I am taking 18 hours. I know, I'm crazy but they are all classes I need and I'm living by 2 rules: 1) if I have to I can drop a class and 2) if I can't make it through a 18 credit semester, how am I going to make it through medical school? I am taking Organic Chemistry I, Physics I, Calculus for Health Sciences, Death and Dying in Different Cultures, and an honors class on how food creates community. The Death and Dying class is online and I think it will be very interesting and the honors class is once a week and we'll be going to different organic farms every week. I also am able to schedule time at school to study 3 days a week in between classes. I think its going to work. With the exception of Monday I will be done with my classes no later than 3:13 everyday. Monday is my Hell Day because I will be at school from 10:45am to 9pm at night but I will get both my recitations and my O. Chem lab out of the way. Only time will tell I guess. At least after next semester I can really start studying for the MCAT that I will be taking in another year and a half. Aaaaaaahh!

So these have felt like really tough times lately. My husband has not found a job and really if he found one it would make everything more complicated because we would have to do something with our youngest son and hope that he would get out of work before our oldest gets out of school. We get some money every month from apartments that my husband owns with his business partner, but it really just covers our phone bill, insurance and a couple tanks of gas. What makes it difficult right now is that its the beginning of the holiday season and both of our boys' birthdays are during this time of year. I would say that I am not really as stressed about our situation as I have been in the past, but I feel bad that I can't get for my kids what I would like to get. We are fortunate though that we have taught our children to be thankful for everything that they get, no matter the size. We are also fortunate to have family that is understanding of our situation and is more then willing to help us with the things the boys need. I know that we are on the path that God has set for us so I am still working on being patient and surrendering to Him.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Oprah's Pretty Bomb Too. :-)

So this has been an interesting few weeks. I have been doing a lot of studying and doing relatively well in my classes, but at the same time I am having difficulty focusing on school like I have in the past. It is not for a lack of interest or a lack of challenge because my classes are very challenging and I like the subject matter of my classes most of the time (still can't wrap my head around certain parts of chemistry, try as I might) but I feel like my brain is either preoccupied with other things that I do not necessarily want to be preoccupied by or, well really I just don't know. When I buckle down and make myself study, I do just fine and no matter how tired I am I have the energy to do that without a problem. I feel at time like my brain and thoughts are foggy and scattered. It's frustrating. There are times when I feel like I am not understanding or getting something, only to discover I do understand it and I can even explain it to others successfully. Either way, I was able to get an A on my last nutrition test (WOOO-HOOO!!) and I am waiting for the scores on my biology and chemistry tests. My fingers are crossed and many prayers have been said.

So lately I have been considering the notion of starting my own home-based baking business making cookies. The idea is to allow them to fund my running hobby AND, most importantly, allow me to give back to people. I would like to be able to allocate a certain amount of money from each cookie sold to be donated to various charities and organizations that fund research for different diseases. A large majority of the races that happen throughout the year are to raise money for different causes (breast cancer, AIDS, multiple sclerosis, etc.) and my hope is to be able to run at least 1 race per month and whatever money is raised for donations in the previous month I will be able to donate to that race while still making a small profit to be able to run and help my family out. I have looked into it extensively and it would be fairly easy to start and has very low start-up costs. The hardest thing would be to make the time to bake and network to get the word out. I have a lot of resources for getting the word out and I have even entertained the idea about using the cookies to help other people raise funds to donate to the cause of their choice whether it be for a run or not. It is in my heart to do this and I actually had the idea while I was running a couple of weeks ago. Over this weekend I am going to work on my business plan and make some cookies to give away to get some feedback on whether people are interested in buying them and to practice a little.

I was watching Oprah's Lifeclass this morning and I believe that God gives you signs all the time but they have to come at the right time and you have to be open to receive them and acknowledge them when you do. I have been feeling discouraged lately because our financial situation is once again becoming difficult, added to the fact that our boys' birthdays are both in the next month. Also, I am not sure how fast I can really begin this business venture I would like to start and how fast it would actually be able to benefit us. Added to that are some health concerns I have been having which I really think I'm overreacting about, but are there nonetheless. In one of the clips from her life class show she first said something as I was actually thinking it in my head. Like her voice and my voice in my head were talking at the same time. "Through God all things are possible." The second thing she said is, "Whatever you believe deeply, you will create." I almost started crying. For some reason Oprah speaks to me in a way that makes me believe even more deeply in what my beliefs are and makes me feel more confident about what I want to create. I am going to become a doctor because I believe I am here to enrich people's lives and make some type of mark in the world in a positive way. What I have been somewhat struggling with is that I do not feel as though practicing medicine is the only way I am supposed to do that but I was unsure about how else to do that. I have been feeling though that I needed to start my life's work now and not wait until I graduate from medical school. I am still soaking in all of these ideas, but I think I see where my path is heading. God is great. Oprah's pretty bomb too.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Our Lives Are Full of Possibilities

My first week of exams is over and I survived. I now know #1: I need to start studying NOW for my next tests, and #2: I will make it. I had tests in nutrition (241), biology (182) and chemistry (116 or 152). I got a B, an A and a B, respectively. I am not very happy about the B's but it at least means I can still get A's in those classes if I study more. I very much like my classes and instructors so I know can get to where I need to be. I aim for all A's which might seem a little crazy, but I hope to have the luxury of choosing where I want to go to medical school, instead of hoping I get chosen. To a certain extent anyway. All in all, I feel very good about school and I am really enjoying it.

The only thing that is kind of dragging me down right now is the tiredness I feel all the time. There are days when it is not so bad, but then there are days (like today) where I just feel exhausted after getting a full nights sleep. Its kind of frustrating because I feel like I am taking good care of myself by running 3 times a week, doing yoga and trying to make better choices about the food I eat. It makes the health issues I faced a couple of years ago come back to the forefront. I try not to think of the possibility of what some of the symptoms I have been having may mean, but sometimes it can be hard to not think about it. I suppose I should go back to the doctor and talk to him about some of these symptoms, but its so easy to find excuses not to go. Part of it may be that I do not want to know what they could mean. Considering what it is I want to do (be a physician), you would think that I would be running to go see the doctor, but I have seen that many health professionals do not take care of themselves very well and the reasoning behind that may be that they already know what the symptoms may mean and do not want to deal with it and add it to the already full plate that life has become. So why not start now right? LOL!

Outside of school, my family has been phenomenal. Despite the fact that my husband still does not have a job, it has been great to see him be able to spend more time with our little people and my appreciation for him as grown because he has been infinitely understanding of my needs and the needs of our boys. We are celebrating our 4 year anniversary this week and it has really made me reflect on where we were and where we are now. Although financially we struggle and, quite honestly, do not know where our next check is going to come from, God always finds a way to make sure we have what we need for us and for our little guys. That fact continues to reassure me that we are still on the path that He he asks of us. I feel as though this has been a build up that will culminate in my husband truly finding himself, finding his path and believing in himself enough to pursue it. I truly feel like the possibilities are endless.

Friday, September 2, 2011

I Am Nothing Without the People In My Life, And They're Pretty Cool

I have to say that school is pretty amazing! My classes and instructors are fantastic. So my CHM 116 instructor is awesome but I feel kind of lost at times because I HATE CHEMISTRY! Really I just don't feel like the class I took at community college prepared me. It doesn't help that I just have such a hard time comprehending the concepts at times. I'm not wired that way. My instructor is awesome though and I like the way he explains things. My NTR 241 instructor is, in my mind, a walking nutrition encyclopedia. She is one of the authors of the textbook we use and she knows endless amounts of information. It's amazing to me. I just want to pick her brain. Needless to say I really enjoy that class. My BIO 182 instructor is a geeky looking guy who was a researcher at one time and is quite obviously super smart. He has a really good way of explaining things and he's pretty funny. I like his class very much but his lack of organization may drive crazy. I'm a little OCD with my school stuff. Maybe a lot OCD. My HSC 300 (Complementary Healthcare) class is cool. It's kind of my easy class, but my instructor used to be a chiropractor and he is a wealth of knowledge. He gives no homework and he said all his tests will be multiple choice. I will take it! He's really cool though and I spent an hour last week talking to him after class about how I wanted to be a doctor and about some alternative therapies that are used in chiropractic care that I feel might benefit me to learn for osteopathic care. He also gave me some guidance concerning volunteering and people I should connect with. Super cool!! All in all I love the experiences I'm having at school. Chemistry may kick my ass a little, but I will get it it done...hopefully with an A.

My little people have been awesome. Our 6 y.o. is in 2nd grade and he's doing pretty well. He's in a class with almost all girls, which is interesting, but he really likes it. I'm super excited that he's in the gifted program but at the same time concerned that the one day a week he willing be getting just won't be enough for him. I am understanding more and more the state of our educational system in Arizona. It's kind of sad. I guess we'll just have to do it ourselves then. My 3 y.o. is a trip. He is totally Mr. Personality. He totally knows how cute he is and just amazes me. I'm so excited for him to go to school next year because I know he'll love it. We have him working too. He's got workbooks and flashcards and a new writing tablet. He is set!

My husband has been absolutely phenomenal! I don't know what I would do if he didn't support me the way he does. I take my oldest to school in the morning and wake up with the little people, but after I leave, he's SuperDaddy! He spends all day with our 3 y.o., picks our 6 y.o. up from school and makes dinner at least 3 times a week. AND, he doesn't complain. Because I am at school ALL DAY  on Tuesdays and Thursdays, he gets the boys all to himself ALL DAY!! I remember those days and it can be a lot but he's totally cool with it. Despite the financial difficulties we have had while my husband has been out of work, I don't think that either one of us would change what we have been experiencing with our boys. The time we have been able to spend with the kids and with each other has been life-changing. I've never been more appreciative of the little things and how having simply the things we NEED is enough. I'm so excited to say that we will be celebrating our 4th anniversary on the 20th. Woo-hoo! You're the bestest baby!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Big Kid School is Super Cool!

Yay! School started last week!! I have awesome professors and I think my schedule will work out well. I'm taking BIO 182, CHM 116 (2nd semester for majors), NTR 241, and HSC 300 (Complementary Healthcare). I feel really confident about all my classes except my chemistry. Part of it is because its more math than what I care for and partly because some of the words I see on my syllabus and in the book are like a foreign language to me. I'm liking the professor though and I think I will get through it. It is definitely a different atmosphere from community college. I have a couple 100 people classes and there are just so many people everywhere. I'm not even on the main campus but it seems like a lot to me. I really like it though.

The one thing that I found somewhat overwhelming is the amount I had to pay for books. I could have potentially paid $800 for books. HEART ATTACK! I decided to get a netbook and get 2 of my books as etexts so I still paid the $800, but I don't have 2 huge ass books (chemistry and biology) to lug around and I have something I can use for a few years for other etexts and to do work on while I'm at school. It made sense to do but I have found it hard to spend the money. I got a pretty good amount for financial aid since I got the loans as well, but it went really fast. I am a worrier by nature and I had these ideas of grandeur about paying bills ahead of time so we wouldn't have to worry about them since my husband is still without a job, but that is definitely not going to happen. My husband has had to talk me into feeling comfortable with it by telling me its for school and that is what the money is supposed to be for. It's tough for me. I am trying (not as hard as I should) to put it in God's hands but finances have been a big worry for me. I guess I just have to keep telling myself, "I put it in Your hands (God). I surrender to You." Pray that I have the strength to surrender.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

What a summer!

I didn't realize it had been basically all summer since I had been on here. It was a very busy summer and I just felt like taking a break from blogging for a while. I'm on it now though! I am super excited for school to start on Thursday. I took 2 summer classes, A&P 2 and World Religions over the summer. A&P kicked my ass but I made it out with an A. It was a lot of information to take in in short amount of time. It was cool though and I am very happy that I took it with the spectacular instructor I had (love you Heather!). World religions sucked because it was online and the instructor didn't seem all that interested in the class. No feedback, it took awhile for him to respond. That's ok, it was all I needed to get college diploma #1.

The last 4 weeks have been fun with my little people and my husband. I found out that the deal with my knee was not as serious as they had thought at first. I definitely do have arthritis (which I had already suspected) and I have patellar tracking disorder which basically means my knee is off track and it causes almost identical symptoms to a meniscus tear. God had a plan though, and although He wanted to make sure I did not work, He didn't want me to have to go through surgery to fix the issue. What it really comes down to is I have to deal with it and find ways to alleviate the pain as well as get stronger. The doctor gave me a shot (which sucked ass!!) and it seems to have helped alot. I am back on my running though and I am planning on doing the PF Changs Rock n Roll half marathon in January. It feels good to be back on it.

My husband has been super spectacular despite the fact that he has not found a job. He is trying to put together a non-profit organization for kids so they can play basketball, volleyball, and eventually a few other sports. There are a lot of things he wants to incorporate, but he's starting out with basketball because that is what we love but there is so much more he wants to get into like child care. God is definitely showing him that he is on the right path, but it feels as though there is something missing. All we can do is stay prayerful and be open to what it is that He asks from us.

So ASU seems like it is going to be absolutely phenomenal. I cannot wait! I decided to only take 14 credits this semester so that I don't overwhelm myself in this first semester. I will have very full days but its going to be awesome. I have also become part of an organization that I think will be very  beneficial for students on campus. It's called D.A.N.T.S. (Downtown Association for Non-Traditional Students). I am the Officer of Budget and I am really hoping that it becomes something that really welcomes the older, adult students at the Downtown campus. It's going to be a lot of work but I think it will really be beneficial for members as well as the officers. Of course it will make my application more appealing for medical school, but in the today, it could really make a difference in how people view and fell about their college experience. My hope is that instead of feeling like there is no support or that the young "kids" in class cannot relate to us as mature students with jobs and/or families, that we can feel like there is a community that can relate to our experience and is willing to understand and listen when we need it. The people I have met thus far have been awesome. I can't wait!!!!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Are You Going to Use Those Coupons?

Wow! It's been a month since I last posted. My A&P class has really been kicking my ass. I am doing well but it has felt like I am always studying for a test or a lab practical. This is my last week though so I am really excited. The class has been awesome, and my instructor even more so, but I have to say that I probably would not take a class with a lab in the summer again. Although I have done well on the tests and I have an A in the class, I feel like I am not learning the information as thoroughly as I would like to and I'm just kind of regurgitating on the tests. Although I have almost 2 months off before I start the fall semester, I will probably be reviewing this class and focusing on book I found about the breakdown of medical terminology. I say that I have nothing else I will be doing, when in fact I am also taking a World Religions class. I like the class though and it is entirely online and really isn't that difficult.

I am really looking forward to spending more time with my boys, adult one included, and just hanging out. I have found a new "hobby" though. I say "hobby" but it has become somewhat of an OCD obsession. Have you watched Extreme Couponing? I wouldn't say I go to those extremes, but I do have a book for my coupons, I very rarely shop without coupons and I get daily emails about coupons. I will very likely do it even more when this class is done because I will have more time to find coupons and go to stores to find deals. My husband and mother in law thought I was crazy when I first started a few weeks ago, but I have since converted them. I have gotten stuff for free or almost free. I have started "stockpiling" stuff because it is totally worth it. My husband still has not found a job so we have to find the cheapest way of getting everything. It's kind of fun too, for me anyway. Lol! It's like a scavenger hunt to find the best deals. I think a lot of the ladies on that show are kind of crazy (Who REALLY needs 125 candy bars or 400 boxes of cereal?) but I feel like it really does help when you don't have the money to buy household items. I mean, I do get food items, but the non-food items are really the best deals because they tend to be so expensive (not that I didn't get 9 bottles of BBQ sauce for free yesterday! LOL!) and they are still necessary despite their price sometimes. I'm totally OCD about it so I'm trying to keep it under control but there are so many coupons!

So I ended up having to go to an orthopedic surgeon a couple of weeks ago and last week I got an MRI on my knee. I'm supposed to go talk about my results next week but I'm pretty certain that I will be getting surgery and returning to physical therapy. When I went to see the doctor he told me that I in fact do have arthritis, which I had been told I did not, and that he could see some "stuff" in the back of my knee that is not supposed to be there. So what I am guessing is that some of my meniscus may have torn off completely and is basically floating around in my joint. To be honest, I was really excited to go see him because I have been thinking that I want to go into orthopedics after med school. If I could, I would totally want to watch my surgery but I'm pretty sure they do not allow that. I did find out that my doctor does have residents at his practice which I am excited about and when I go next week I am going to ask him if he allows shadowing in the practice since he is one of the owners. How exciting!!

OH!! How could I forget?! Last week I was accepted into Barrett Honors College at ASU. Woo-hoo! I am so freaking excited. I've already registered for at least one honors class and I may get into one more of the instructor allows it. There is this really cool program I want to try to get into with the Mayo Clinic for pre-med students. It's really exciting for me and I'm really looking forward to it. I just need to get through this week. ;-)

Thursday, May 19, 2011

'Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there....with a hot tub!'

So its been a minute. Finals had me totally occupied before them and left me exhausted after them. I graduated last Friday. YAY!! It was a really cool moment in life but Monday the grind started again. My BIO 202 (Anatomy & Physiology 2) is hardcore. I have already had 2 labs this week and I have probably 20 pages of notes just for this week. It's Monday-Thursday for 2 hours everyday and then Monday and Wednesday I have lab scheduled for 4 hours. I have my first test on Monday and my first lab practical next Wednesday. An exam EVERY week and a lab practical every other week. Whew! My instructor calls it boot camp. I love it though. It's pretty amazing how the body works (we're learning all the body systems in this course). We are starting with the cardiovascular system. I feel like it's all I think about because it requires daily studying, daily note typing and constant review. I suppose it is comparable to what I will be doing in medical school. They cram a whole lot of stuff in a small period of time and expect you to master it. It had never really occurred to me until this moment the comparison between the two. I had been thinking that perhaps I would not take summer courses the next few years but maybe it could be a great preparation for me. Hmmmmmm...

So my family got great news last week, we had put in a motion to vacate my husband's misdemeanor and it was granted. For those of you who are not familiar with the impact of that, my husband had a misdemeanor for assault on his record. He had never been in trouble with the law before then and has not been in trouble since then but he had a minimum of 6 companies tell him that they could not hire him because of that single offense. It has made finding a job very difficult for him and, unfortunately, left my husband feeling a little depressed and hopeless when looking for a job. It's been hard for me too because I want to be supportive and understanding of the situation but at the same time I was getting stressed because our sources for funds have been dwindling (all of the credit cards are maxed out) and with nothing coming in I was really considering working part time while trying to take classes and be a good mommy. I came to the realization that working right now is not part of the path God wants me on, but I was worried because I felt like it put a lot of pressure on my husband to provide for our family. The granting of the motion to vacate has put a little pep in my husband's step and he's just really excited now. His hopelessness has been replaced by hopefulness. God has always provided for us when we needed and asked. I think I just need to pray for patience because I just want to know what he has planned for us now!

So over the past weekend we participated in the Relay for Life. It's an overnight walk to raise money for cancer research and awareness. They have them at high schools, on the football field so that the participants can walk around the track and pitch tents on the football field. Technically you are supposed to have someone on the track from the time you get there (3pm on Saturday) to the time you end (5am on Sunday). We totally didn't do that because we had my 2 boys as well as my 2 nephews and niece with us (my mother in law and I) and they are all under the age of 11. It was quite an experience. We let the little people stay up as late as they wanted, we sugared them up with snacks and let them graze like cows with all the snacks we brought the whole time and run around everywhere. They had a lot of fun. I was slightly depressed because I originally wanted to run a few times throughout the time we were there and really challenge myself, but because of my stupid knee (which it looks like I will have to get an MRI on because its not getting better :-( ) I basically sat down the whole time except walking around a couple times with my little people and then speed walking to the bathroom because the 3-year-old decided to wait until the last minute to tell me he had to pee. Awesomeness! So around 3am, my littlest one had finally fallen asleep and the 6-year-old was in full battle with the sandman, and it had gotten quite cold. He was sitting on my lap and we had my Snuggie (they really are pretty awesome!) wrapped around us. He says, "Mommy, I wish there was a hot tub here to warm us up." I said, "Ok, that's good thinking." Then he says, "I wish I could just say, 'Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there....with a hot tub!'" LMFAO! Kids say the best stuff, at the best time.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

I Surrender To You...I'm Trying Anyway

This has been a tough 2 weeks. I managed to tear my meniscus in my right knee last week while I was running, I feel like I have had test, after test that I've been studying for and then this week, my allergies have put me on my ass again (STUPID ALLERGIES!!!) and today I had to go to urgent care to make sure it was just my stupid allergies AND because I have managed to have an allergic reaction to something that has caused hives all over my face, chest, back arms and legs. REALLY??!!! She seemed to think that I am having a reaction to the Aleve my primary care physician told me to take for my knee. Freakin ridonkulous! But you know what, I'm good. I graduate next week, I totally kicked ass on my final lab practical (97% baby!) and Mother's Day is this weekend and I get to eat all of my favorite things. Steak, shrimp, homemade mac and cheese and grilled asparagus. Hopefully a couple of bottles of wine to help wash it down although I do have 2 finals on Monday so I don't know how that will work out. LOL! It's cool though. I got this! Not to mention, 3 days after I graduate I start my Bio 202 class (the 2nd anatomy & physiology class) which is all crammed into a wonderful 6 weeks. How exciting!

I have been totally obsessed with Oprah ever since she announced her show was ending. I have watched basically all of her shows this season and I record her everyday. When OWN (the Oprah Winfrey Network for those of you out of the know) started, I was watching on the very first day and trying to recruit everyone else to watch it. I am sadly counting down the days until her show ends (May 25). She has this show on OWN called Master Class where people who are great in their field talk about their journey to become successful and what drove them to get there. I was immediately excited about the show because she showed clips of Jay-Z and Maya Angelou episodes and they are 2 of my favorites. I didn't watch a few because they just weren't interesting people to me, but then I saw a commercial, only once, that showed she was going to have her own episode of Master Class. I was really excited because I find her so inspirational to have come where she came from and reach the heights she has reached. It ended up being a 2-part one and I watched the 1st one and had to record the 2nd. That was a month ago. I finally had a chance to watch it yesterday when my husband went to workout with some friends and my little people were occupied playing and watching cartoons. Let me preface this by saying, I have been facing a lot of inner turmoil concerning my decision to go to school full time and not work, leaving the financial burden to my husband. With him being out of work right now, I have felt that perhaps I needed to sacrifice my dream a little and work part time. I have struggled with it because I am very much an "independent woman" and I always worked for everything I wanted on my own. Just being a stay at home mommy since I lost my job in 2009 was very challenging to me because I didn't feel like I was doing enough for my family. The turmoil I face is feeling the need to contribute financially, yet feeling very at peace when I hear God telling me that to become a physician. I know this is where I am supposed to be and when I am supposed to be doing it. I have no question about that but I also know that we can choose to ignore what He shows us and continue on our own path. I have very fervently been asking Him to give me a sign to show me whether I should try to work or whether I should just continue on the path I am on. The first sign I got was that I received 2 times what I needed for my financial aid for the summer. For us that is almost a months worth of bills. But that wasn't enough for me. My prayer to Him was "God show me what I am supposed to do and make it so clear that I cannot possibly misread or misunderstand it. Help me to know that I am doing the right thing." So last week I hurt my knee. Then while I'm depressed about my knee and feeling like crap because of my stupid allergies (STUPID ALLERGIES!!) I watch Oprah. She was talking about what she's has gone through where she came from and she started talking about how she has always felt like she was going with the flow that God had for her. That she was very mindful and open to what He showed her and she was more than willing to follow His plan. She said that she felt that was the reason she had reached the success she had reached, because she always knew that He required more from her and she always felt that she was destined for more. She started talking about her getting the part in "The Color Purple," which is ironically one of my favorite books and movies. She said that she wanted it so bad that the only thing she prayed for after auditioning was to get the part. When she read in the audition, she was sure that the fact that she was playing Sophia, who is married to Harpo (Oprah spelled backwards) it was a sure sign that it was meant to be. She felt that it was all that she wanted in the world, even more than what she wanted for her show, which was not nationally syndicated yet. Oprah said that she felt that she was not going to get the part when she found out Alfre Woodard, "a real actress," was auditioning that it wasn't going to happen for her. She went to a fat farm in Wisconsin and while running around the track she began singing an old gospel song. Part of it goes, " I surrender to you, Lord I surrender to you..." She didn't believe the words when she first started saying them, she still didn't think that she wanted to actually see the movie when it came out without her in it, but day after day of singing the song and praying to give her the strength to surrender it over to Him, she was finally able to believe her words and allow it to totally be in God's hands. That same day she came to that realization, Steven Spielberg called her and said she got the part.

God has a way of doing things and showing you what it is you should be doing and when you are supposed to do it, but you have to be willing to listen. I have finally realized that in order to get where I want to be and where He wants me to be, I need to surrender to Him. I'm not saying that I believe it 100% right now, but I know that if I keep asking for the strength He will give me the strength to surrender. I truly feel that He wants me to do great things to help people and be the change I want to see in the world.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

God, Help Me to Put It In Your Hands

So I'm pretty excited about registering for classes at ASU. I have to sit down with an advisor, hopefully next week but I am very anal and I had to look for the classes I want to take before I even go. It looks like I'll have a pretty good schedule and I will have most of Monday, Wednesday and Friday off with all of my classes on Tuesday and Thursday. I really can't wait. I still have so much to do though outside of school.

As content as I am in the educational and familial part of my life, the financial part of my life has been stressful. My husband is still without a job and I still feel like all the signs God shows me point to the fact that I should not be working. It's a conundrum. I pray to God to allow me to put it all in His hands and not worry about it, but my nature is to worry and want to fix it. I struggle with myself because my instinct is to go work and not take the summer school class that I really want to take but after I got the financial aid that I needed to take my A&P class plus my world religions class, PLUS some extra money, I knew that He was telling me that taking the class is the right thing to do. I struggle with it though. I feel like He has something really big in store for my husband but He wants to test our patience so that we are ready for it. Hopefully we get some good news this week and some of the applications he put in over the weekend and today are what we are waiting for.

On the bright side, my oldest son (6 year old) is being tested for the gifted program today. I'm really excited about it because I was in the gifted program and I loved it. I can remember being really bored in school before I was in it and after it I loved school. He has been having a hard time because he feels like he learns the same stuff everyday and it is stuff he already knows. I really want him to be excited about learning and reading so for me it will be really great if he can get in the program right when 2nd grade starts and really enjoy learning for the whole school year. He's such a phenomenal little boy. He amazes me with how smart he is and how fast he picks things up on his own. He's the coolest!! The little one (3 year old) is pretty cool too! Lol!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I Get to Wear Pretty Stuff!

So the last few weeks have been very full of studying. I have 3 weeks left and I am still doing very well in my classes, but its hard to not want to slack off. I'm not going to do it though. I have worked so hard to get the grades I have and I would be so mad at myself if I didn't continue to get As. I'm almost there though. I picked up my cap and gown yesterday and it felt so good to know that I am about to reach first step of this journey I am on. This will be Graduation Number 1, just 2 more graduations to go. It seems so insignificant to so many people, but I can now say that I am the first college graduate in my family. I am graduating with distinction and as a member of Phi Theta Kappa (that means I get to wear a stole and a cord! Pretty stuff!). I'm really excited!

I'm so excited for the next step, moving on to ASU. I'm really nervous about the classes and instructors but I feel like I have prepared myself well. I'm a worrier though so I will be concerned about it until I get there. I think that maybe I need to see the campus and walk around a little to see what it's like to feel a little more comfortable. Part of my apprehension right now is coming from not really knowing what the future holds for us. The possibility of having to work part-time still looms and I worry about how that will effect my school work. I know I can do it but that does nothing to make me feel better about the situation right now. I am trying my hardest to put it in God's hands and let Him guide us in our decisions but the little voice in the back of my head has a slight case of OCD and it likes to worry about how the bills will be paid. What is meant to happen, will happen. I just need that little voice to accept that. Lol!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

God, I'm Still a Work in Progress....

So the last few weeks have been full of "stuff." I had a very nice spring break and I slept in every day and worked out most of the week. It was pretty great. I spent time with my little people and my spectacular husband. I have been kicking ass on my tests (100% on my last Anatomy & Physiology test WOO-HOO!) and school has been really great. In a month I will be graduating and then the plan is to take an online world religions class to finish my associates and hopefully, the 2nd A&P class so I don't have to worry about it at ASU. It's a boot camp class but my instructor is phenomenal. I can only take it if the financial aid I need comes through though so send prayers please! I'm also going through the process of applying for the honors college at ASU and writing the essays that are required as well as asking my instructors for letters of recommendation. It seems like a long process but I really feel like it will be worth it to prepare me for medical school. I figure that if I can't get through honors college and getting my bachelors, with a minor, I probably won't be able to make it in medical school. It seems crazy, I guess, but totally makes sense to my crazy head.

On the flip side, my husband is still without a job and, financially, life has been a struggle. It was hard to admit to myself that I may need to work while going to school because I had my heart set on being able to completely focus on school, but I'm beginning to feel that maybe it is what is required in the long run. It would be a lesson on how to juggle my family and school/work/residency/fellowships/etc. Again, if I can't do it now, I won't be able to do it then. I applied for a position at Phoenix Children's Hospital as a laboratory assistant and I'm kind of hoping that it's the one. It would be a good experience and they want nights and evenings. Only time will tell, but it feels right. Again, prayers please! Lol!

The stress had been getting to me for awhile and my health was beginning to suffer, but I'm really trying to let it go and get on with it. I think that we, especially women, underestimate what we can handle, but when we do it and still accomplish what it is we really want, we realize we always had the strength, we just didn't have the confidence we needed to quell the fears we had. I'm still underestimating myself a little, but I'm getting there. God, I'm still a work in progress, grant me the strength to have the confidence to know I can do everything I want to do and do it well.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Who Ever Thought I Would Like School?!

I never knew that school could be so enjoyable. I never got it before, but in truth, I don't think I was supposed to get it before. I'm sure that part of it is because I am getting good grades (yes, I'm going to brag a little ;-P) but its so different to go to a class and know that something that I am learning is going to apply to what it is I want to do, and even if it doesn't, that I simply learned something new and care to understand it. I wish you could bottle this feeling and understanding up and give it to everyone in school. I have been thinking for the last year about doing some speaking to student-athletes about the importance of an education and how it can affect their future but I wonder 1) if they would be receptive and 2) if it would really make a difference in someone's life. It has been very heavy in my heart to do this type of work, but I'm still trying to put it all together in my head. I would love some feedback about this. Just ideas and comments about this as a possibility. Thanks!!

Anywho, aside from that, I am the biggest dork because I am so excited about working with cadavers in anatomy & physiology today for the first time. I'm slightly concerned about the smell (I don't do smells too well), but other than that it should be fun. I aced the 2nd a&p test I took yesterday which felt great. I'm going to attempt to take bio 202 in the summer along with my online world religions class so that should be fun. I don't even know what I'm going to do with the kids then if my husband is working in the daytime, but I figure that if God has that on my path, then He will help me figure that out on the way.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Orthopaedic Surgeon anyone?

So I got accepted to ASU, but not in the program I had originally wanted. I am OK with it though because it actually makes a little more sense and may make me better prepared for osteopathic school. I will be a Health Sciences major, be pre-med and I hope to get my minor in kinesiology. I am also debating whether I should enter the Honors College. As insignificant as it might sound (not to mention the extra year it will add) the minor in kinesiology is very important to me because I feel it will help me in my overall goal of working with athletes. It will help me become well versed with the movement of the human body so that I can better help the athletes I will work with.  I don't mind the extra year so much because it will allow me to have more time to prepare for the MCAT. I hope to take it no more than 2 times in order to get the score I need to be admitted to the osteopathic program I want. I also have found some more information regarding my eventual specialty and sub specialty as a physician. I think that sports orthopaedic surgery might be it. It sounds so scary because surgical specialties require so much residency and it will probably also require us to move to a different state, or at the very least a different city to complete my residency. It's scary and exciting at the same time. It's scary because I will be in my 40s by the time I am finished with my residency (about 45 to be exact) and we will have to uproot the whole family, BUT I will love what I am doing and my boys will be able to see me complete my dream. Of course I have to make sure that surgery is something that I can do physically and mentally, but the idea of it isn't as scary as I once thought it was.

So I have decided that my little people are absolutely phenomenal. The three year old just isn't liking the whole potty thing. Last week, I was taking his night pull-up off and while I was doing it, he decided to pee all over my hand. I had to take a moment and remind myself that he's only three and take a couple deep breaths before I cleaned him up. It was a difficult moment. Your instinct makes you want to be like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!" but then you have to remember their age and reassess the situation. I told him I wasn't happy with him and then we left for school. When we were almost to his school he told me,"I sorry I peed on your hand Mommy. I not do it again." How can you get mad at that? LOL! Then over the weekend he finally told me why he's so petrified of the potty. He thinks that he's gonna get flushed down the toilet when we flush his pee-pees. He said he thought it would break his head. I wanted to laugh but he was so serious and he would have been so upset. He's the cutest!

My wonderful 6 year old learned a new word, apprehensive. He likes it because he often tells me that stuff makes him nervous and that "his body gets nervous" in certain situations (i.e. having to talk to strangers or going at rides at the fair) so he likes that he has a new word to use other than nervous. I am constantly amazed on how smart he is. I know everyone thinks their child is the brightest, smartest kid, but he really is. LOL! No seriously, he's the youngest 1st grader in his class and he's reading at a 4th grade level and does pretty well in math. I am amazed at the complexity of some of the questions he asks me sometimes. I just think sometimes,"I made that and he's so freakin cool!" I know it sounds crazy, but I still am totally considering having another child. I would only do it if it felt right and we felt like God wanted that in our lives. We shall definitely see.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

He's the Bestest!!

I feel like this semester has already been so long but its only been 4 1/2 weeks. I'm so ready to graduate and move on to the Big Kid School (ASU lol!) I'm so excited to move on and change up my schedule a little. In my imagination I think that I will be able to get a part time campus job when I get to ASU, but the reality is that I probably will not be able to because I will have to spend a lot of time studying for my classes, the MCAT, and trying to do some volunteer work that will hopefully enable me to get a foot in the door at SOMA (School of Osteopathic Medicine in Arizona). That school is my ultimate goal because they have branched off from Kirksville Osteopathic School which is the OG, triple OG, OG school for osteopathic medicine. I look at their website at least once a month to look at what lies ahead. I sit and drool like a little kid.

So having my husband home has been really amazing. For me, it's also a time for him to see what it is that I do at home trying to juggle schoolwork, little people and all the other mommy and wife stuff. I'm really excited for him to start doing his skills training and coaching though. I know its what he really loves and really wants to do. I totally get his passion and love for the game and its nice because its something we still share. He told me the other night that I was totally a basketball wife because we can sit and talk basketball, new and old, and I don't sound like a dumb ass (he didn't say that but I know that's what he meant LOL!). I have the best husband ever! There are not too many people I can be around all the time without them really getting on my nerves (children included sometimes) but he has managed to be that person. I love just being in his presence. I love making him laugh and laughing with him. I love that he wants to be a great father (not good, GREAT!). I love everything about him (although I don't always get the whole video game thing)! He is truly the bestest person ever! To say just husband sets limits because we are so much more than just husband and wife. Ruv you bracka boy!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

If You Listen, HE Will Answer

So I got a 96 on my anatomy & physiology test (WOOOOO-HOOOOO!!!) and a 15.5/20 on my chemistry quiz. I'm a little irritated with myself for making stupid mistakes on my chemistry quiz. Oh well, at least it was just the quiz and not the test, which is next Monday. I learned my lesson, STOP PROCRASTINATING ABOUT STUDYING! It's hard to break a life long habit though. I'm getting there, I'm still a work in progress. I am very satisfied with how school is going this semester. I'm pretty sure that I can get all A's. I just applied to ASU and I am trying to get all my stuff together so I can get it done early and not have to be rushing at the last minute. I think that I am going to try and take BIO 202 in the summer assuming that we can get the money to pay for it and I can find daycare for the kids. It would be a weight lifted off my shoulders because I was kind of dreading taking it at ASU and it will be one less class I have to take. We will see though.

So my husband got a call yesterday and was told not to return to his job. He was a temporary employee and he was waiting to find out if they were going to hire him permanently. So he got his answer. It is both ironic and impactful that he got the call yesterday instead of Monday. On Monday I paid everything off and had he found out about his job situation then, I would have probably reconsidered paying everything off. God has a plan though and this is all just part of it. My husband so badly wants to work with kids developing basketball skills and eventually coaching. I think this is his opportunity to do what his passion leads him to and love what he's doing. It sounds crazy to be thankful for being fired from a job, but it can allow you to put things in perspective, explore your options and really do so some soul searching. It took me almost a year to figure out that I wanted to go back to school and another year to find my true calling of becoming a physician. I am not one to preach about God, but He truly does answer your prayers and shows you where you need to be if you are willing to truly listen to Him. God is good.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Pay that s*%# off!! Whew!

I just finished taking a test that I didn't totally feel prepared for, but when I sat down and went through it I realized I was ready. I think in my mind I always feel under-prepared but that's the overachiever in me. It was an anatomy & physiology test so I am really excited that I knew the material pretty well. In this class though, I feel like the lab is more difficult than the lecture portion. We have already gone through the bones of the skull, thoracic cavity and vertebrae, which we have to memorize and we'll be starting on the the pelvis and limbs tomorrow. We have to have this all memorized in 2 weeks when we take our lab practical. I've done pretty well so far, but when you look at it as a whole it seems so overwhelming. In the back of my mind I know I will do well but there's always that doubt. I really love it though. I am so freakin excited about the cadavers though. It used to be what freaked me out when I was younger but it's the most fascinating part to me now.

Part of the reason I didn't feel as prepared for the test as I could have is also because I didn't study as much this weekend as I would have liked to because I was really busy doing other stuff. I spent some time with my best friend since high school, went to a baby shower and watched a high school basketball game, and that was just Saturday. On Sunday, I had to throw down of course and I made green chile, rice and beans. My husband made ribs and chicken on the grill which was pretty phenomenal. I absolutely love food and I love cooking for the people I love. My oldest son told me that I am the best cook in the world the other day which was really cool (he also told me I was the best mommy in the world which was pretty amazing :-). I also realized that its a little difficult to study after a 1 or 2 or 8 beers. Lol! Probably not the best idea I ever had. It was a great weekend though and I still managed to do well on my A&P test and my chemistry quiz. It's a good start to a good week.

We get to pay off my car and my husband's truck that was totalled out in the hail storm a few months ago. We also get to pay off a few credit cards. It is the most amazing feeling. I am also going to be applying to ASU this week and to the honor society for community colleges which will hopefully help me get some scholarships for ASU. It means I get to wear the stuff you always see people wearing when they graduate but don't know what it means. LOL! I get pretty stuff to wear! Totally kidding, its so much more important than that. It will make my transcripts look spectacular and may help me get into the honors college at ASU, hopefully. I'm still wondering if that is totally worth it, the whole honors college thing. Its seems like it may be very helpful in getting me accepted into a osteopathic/medical school but I need to do some more research into that. I have been told that the workload would be too much but we shall see. Great week!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Everything Is So Exciting!! I Love Life!

So this semester is going to be a tough one but I am enjoying it a lot. My anatomy & physiology class alone is a whole lot of stuff to put in your brain. I figured out that I can practice by telling my husband and boys where there bones are and what they are called. It's so cool! I can't wait until we get to the cadavers. It used to be something that freaked me out, but not I want to the full experience and to see what we are learning about up close and personal. IT'S SO EXCITING!!! I'm a dork. My trigonometry class is a lot to take in for me. I feel like he's speaking a foreign language sometimes when we're in class. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the concepts. As long as I can get through this class (with an A no less) I will be cool and I will be done with math classes. Whew!

So I'm going to be applying to Arizona State Univ. soon so that's kind of exciting. It's bigger than the university I went to before so it's a little intimidating to me, but I'm really looking forward to it. It will make some of my days pretty long and it will truly be like I'm working a 40 hour a week job but I can't wait. Let's just pray that I get my financial aid together and I can scoop up some scholarships to cover everything. (Which I have procrastinated about the last few months because I should have already been on that. Hindsight is 20/20 though, right?) I feel like I'll be going to big kid school now. Lol!

Aside from that, life has been very enjoyable. My husband and I will be able to pay off my car and some of our credit cards with our tax return and my financial aid which is a huge weight lifted. It lessens the struggle and lets me focus on my school work more. It's pretty spectacular I have to say. We went to a Suns-Celtics game on Friday and sat in the 11th row behind the Celtics bench (We are big Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen fans!) and I about died. I felt like I was going to play the game I was so hyped up. They lost to the freakin Suns (who I would like on any other day) but it was so much fun. I won't even go into how much those tickets cost us, but it was our little splurge and it was totally worth it to spend that time with my husband. I also had the most fascinating experience at a gay bar on Saturday. Someone told my sister-in-law and I we made a cute couple (FYI: neither one of us is gay; I was at a party for the girlfriend of a friend of mine) which was flattering, I think, and we were totally mesmerized by the wonderful dancing gay men. I saw a guy that made me jealous in his tight little jeans. He had amazing legs and spectacular butt. There were all these line dances that it seemed like everyone knew but us. I don't even like country music but I kinda want to learn one of these dances! It was a whole lot of fun. I am paying for my weekend escapades though because it is Tuesday and I am still tired. Totally worth it though!!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

God Always Finds a Way to Provide for Us

I am so happy about school starting. I was kind of scared about this semester because I felt like it was going to be more difficult than my last 2 semesters, but I think I both overestimated the classes and underestimated my own capabilities. True, it has only been 2 days, but my instructors seem to be very straight forward as to what is expected and I feel like I won't have the problems I thought that I would. It's nice to have a more structured day though. As much as I like to be off with my little people and spend time with them, I like having something to do everyday and time to myself, even if it is in class. All 4 of my instructors seem to really know their stuff and I have found that even if the material is difficult, if the instructor really understands the content and has a very set way in which to present it, the class is enjoyable for me and I can learn. I never knew what it meant to love to learn until now. I enjoy everything that I learn everyday and I enjoy passing it on to those around me. It creates such confidence and an increasing hunger and thirst for knowledge. If this feeling could be bottled I would be a millionaire. I can only hope that one day my boys feel this way about their education. Nothing would make me happier than my boys being open to learning about everything around them and what they have a passion for in life.

Recently, my husband found out that he may not be kept at his current job because he was temporary and they don't like that he had a misdemeanor in his past. They are supposed to make a decision by next Monday but have also made it clear that they don't particularly care for him. I have been praying for God to provide us with what we need and for him to show my husband what path he should be on. Well, today we got my husband's W-2 from his previous employer and I also discovered that the W-2 for his current employer was available online so I was able to do our taxes tonight and we should be getting our return next Friday. On top of that, we are getting almost double what I thought we would be getting. God has provided for us when we have asked and I truly feel that it is because we are doing everything possible to stay on the path that we need to be on. I know though that He wants more for my husband but I just don't know what it is. My husband is one of the greatest men I have ever known and he has so much potential but I don't think he has felt in his heart what it is that God is calling him to do. I know that I have found that calling for myself and I want so badly for him to be in the same place, but I obviously can't do that for him. For those of you who pray, please pray for my husband to find his path and for the ability to see it when God shows it to him. He so deserves it.

Monday, January 10, 2011

What The Hell?!!

So last Wednesday my oldest was puking his guts up all night. On Friday I was puking my guts up all night and I'm still recovering, and now I'm about to go pick up my husband because he has it coming out the other end at work. What the hell?!! Maybe what God is trying to tell me is that instead of planning to do all of these lists of things that I want to do, I need to focus on relaxing and taking better care of my health and my family's health so that we don't get sick so much anymore. I have been sick or taking care of someone who is sick my entire winter break. It's ridonkulous! I have a couple things that are non-negotiable to do before school starts (organizing the desk and my school notes) but I kind of give up on the other stuff. I guess I'm going to have to let go of being such a control freak and just let things happen organically. My OCD is yelling at me right now for saying that, but stress is just bad for business and I'm tired of being tired of being sick or my little people being sick. AND THEN, I was totally going through caffeine withdrawal. I couldn't figure out why I was having an all day headache since Saturday and then today my stomach finally felt well enough to have coffee (it's like my crack!) and I haven't had a headache all day. Isn't that horrible? I'm a coffee whore! Everyone has their vice I guess, it's just a good thing that mine tastes so delicious! LOL!

So I was looking over my class schedule today and I was trying to get out of taking a statistics class, but it turns out that I need that class in order to get my AA (Finally!) and I can't get away with taking an online Spanish class like I wanted to which would have been easier. That would be TOO easy. It's cool though I need a semester with a heavy course load because when I get to ASU there will be no B.S.-ing about classes. I will have to take what I need no matter how difficult the course load will be. I might as well get used to it now. At least I'll be done with math after this semester. Looking at all that lies before me as far as classes go is daunting sometimes, but I'm equally excited and I kind of can't wait to see how well I can do it. I feel like I'm finally up to the challenge and it will be more fun, and more work, than I think it will be, but in the long run I will absolutely love it. I've never been so excited about anything in my life. I wish everyone could feel like this when they look at their future. It's what I want more than anything for my boys. At times I wish I had felt like this when I was in college before because if I had, I would have finished everything that I wanted to, but at the same time, I don't think that I would be as appreciative of everything and I wouldn't be able to set the example I am setting for my boys and for my husband. As much as everything sucks (finances, sickness, etc.), MY LIFE IS GREAT!!

Friday, January 7, 2011

I Think I Can, I Think I Can!!

So I had a week of being totally and completely not motivated to do much of anything. I haven't even been running. So much for the half marathon at the end of the month. I have been doing more around the house since I actually have the time to cook and clean. The hardest part is feeling guilty because I'm not doing stuff I feel that I should be doing like cleaning and organizing things in the house. I had made a list of 10 things I wanted to do before I go back to school, which is in 10 days, and I have accomplished exactly 1 goal and got rid of 1. So now its going to be a mad rush to get at least most of those things done before I start school. I AM SUCH A PROCRASTINATOR!! I drive myself crazy sometimes. It's not intentional, but it is because there would be days where I would be watching Oprah (who I am totally obsessed with right now. Have you seen her channel OWN?! I'm so hooked.) and think "Hey, I should get up and go organize my school notes," or "I should finish the personal statement that I started last spring so I'll feel more motivated." I totally didn't and now I have 10 days! Now don't get me wrong, most of the stuff on my list is not really what a lot of other people would be doing but I feel like it is necessary in order to feel ready for the next semester and clutter free physically and mentally. I, unfortunately, have a bad habit of creating these goals that are a little OCD (not everyone actually wants to create their daily and weekly schedule or organize and keep all of their school notes in order) and when I don't accomplish these goals I beat myself up a little bit. Right now I feel like a fat ass because I haven't been working out but I haven't actually gained weight. I think that a lot of people must do that though. We set goals, that are sometimes unrealistic or unnecessary, and when we don't reach them we tell ourselves that we suck even though we know, logically, that we don't. Grrrrrrr! I'll have to keep you updated on my goal achievement for the next week.

This is my to do list:
1. Store and organize school notes
2. Go through box of papers
3. Create my personal statement
4. Make weekly and daily schedules
5. Plan weekly meals
6. Clean our refrigerator
7. Clean off table*
8. Reorganize desk
9. Look through anatomy book
* = it has been completed

We shall see. I think I can, I think I can!!