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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

God, Help Me to Put It In Your Hands

So I'm pretty excited about registering for classes at ASU. I have to sit down with an advisor, hopefully next week but I am very anal and I had to look for the classes I want to take before I even go. It looks like I'll have a pretty good schedule and I will have most of Monday, Wednesday and Friday off with all of my classes on Tuesday and Thursday. I really can't wait. I still have so much to do though outside of school.

As content as I am in the educational and familial part of my life, the financial part of my life has been stressful. My husband is still without a job and I still feel like all the signs God shows me point to the fact that I should not be working. It's a conundrum. I pray to God to allow me to put it all in His hands and not worry about it, but my nature is to worry and want to fix it. I struggle with myself because my instinct is to go work and not take the summer school class that I really want to take but after I got the financial aid that I needed to take my A&P class plus my world religions class, PLUS some extra money, I knew that He was telling me that taking the class is the right thing to do. I struggle with it though. I feel like He has something really big in store for my husband but He wants to test our patience so that we are ready for it. Hopefully we get some good news this week and some of the applications he put in over the weekend and today are what we are waiting for.

On the bright side, my oldest son (6 year old) is being tested for the gifted program today. I'm really excited about it because I was in the gifted program and I loved it. I can remember being really bored in school before I was in it and after it I loved school. He has been having a hard time because he feels like he learns the same stuff everyday and it is stuff he already knows. I really want him to be excited about learning and reading so for me it will be really great if he can get in the program right when 2nd grade starts and really enjoy learning for the whole school year. He's such a phenomenal little boy. He amazes me with how smart he is and how fast he picks things up on his own. He's the coolest!! The little one (3 year old) is pretty cool too! Lol!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I Get to Wear Pretty Stuff!

So the last few weeks have been very full of studying. I have 3 weeks left and I am still doing very well in my classes, but its hard to not want to slack off. I'm not going to do it though. I have worked so hard to get the grades I have and I would be so mad at myself if I didn't continue to get As. I'm almost there though. I picked up my cap and gown yesterday and it felt so good to know that I am about to reach first step of this journey I am on. This will be Graduation Number 1, just 2 more graduations to go. It seems so insignificant to so many people, but I can now say that I am the first college graduate in my family. I am graduating with distinction and as a member of Phi Theta Kappa (that means I get to wear a stole and a cord! Pretty stuff!). I'm really excited!

I'm so excited for the next step, moving on to ASU. I'm really nervous about the classes and instructors but I feel like I have prepared myself well. I'm a worrier though so I will be concerned about it until I get there. I think that maybe I need to see the campus and walk around a little to see what it's like to feel a little more comfortable. Part of my apprehension right now is coming from not really knowing what the future holds for us. The possibility of having to work part-time still looms and I worry about how that will effect my school work. I know I can do it but that does nothing to make me feel better about the situation right now. I am trying my hardest to put it in God's hands and let Him guide us in our decisions but the little voice in the back of my head has a slight case of OCD and it likes to worry about how the bills will be paid. What is meant to happen, will happen. I just need that little voice to accept that. Lol!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

God, I'm Still a Work in Progress....

So the last few weeks have been full of "stuff." I had a very nice spring break and I slept in every day and worked out most of the week. It was pretty great. I spent time with my little people and my spectacular husband. I have been kicking ass on my tests (100% on my last Anatomy & Physiology test WOO-HOO!) and school has been really great. In a month I will be graduating and then the plan is to take an online world religions class to finish my associates and hopefully, the 2nd A&P class so I don't have to worry about it at ASU. It's a boot camp class but my instructor is phenomenal. I can only take it if the financial aid I need comes through though so send prayers please! I'm also going through the process of applying for the honors college at ASU and writing the essays that are required as well as asking my instructors for letters of recommendation. It seems like a long process but I really feel like it will be worth it to prepare me for medical school. I figure that if I can't get through honors college and getting my bachelors, with a minor, I probably won't be able to make it in medical school. It seems crazy, I guess, but totally makes sense to my crazy head.

On the flip side, my husband is still without a job and, financially, life has been a struggle. It was hard to admit to myself that I may need to work while going to school because I had my heart set on being able to completely focus on school, but I'm beginning to feel that maybe it is what is required in the long run. It would be a lesson on how to juggle my family and school/work/residency/fellowships/etc. Again, if I can't do it now, I won't be able to do it then. I applied for a position at Phoenix Children's Hospital as a laboratory assistant and I'm kind of hoping that it's the one. It would be a good experience and they want nights and evenings. Only time will tell, but it feels right. Again, prayers please! Lol!

The stress had been getting to me for awhile and my health was beginning to suffer, but I'm really trying to let it go and get on with it. I think that we, especially women, underestimate what we can handle, but when we do it and still accomplish what it is we really want, we realize we always had the strength, we just didn't have the confidence we needed to quell the fears we had. I'm still underestimating myself a little, but I'm getting there. God, I'm still a work in progress, grant me the strength to have the confidence to know I can do everything I want to do and do it well.