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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

God Always Finds a Way to Provide for Us

I am so happy about school starting. I was kind of scared about this semester because I felt like it was going to be more difficult than my last 2 semesters, but I think I both overestimated the classes and underestimated my own capabilities. True, it has only been 2 days, but my instructors seem to be very straight forward as to what is expected and I feel like I won't have the problems I thought that I would. It's nice to have a more structured day though. As much as I like to be off with my little people and spend time with them, I like having something to do everyday and time to myself, even if it is in class. All 4 of my instructors seem to really know their stuff and I have found that even if the material is difficult, if the instructor really understands the content and has a very set way in which to present it, the class is enjoyable for me and I can learn. I never knew what it meant to love to learn until now. I enjoy everything that I learn everyday and I enjoy passing it on to those around me. It creates such confidence and an increasing hunger and thirst for knowledge. If this feeling could be bottled I would be a millionaire. I can only hope that one day my boys feel this way about their education. Nothing would make me happier than my boys being open to learning about everything around them and what they have a passion for in life.

Recently, my husband found out that he may not be kept at his current job because he was temporary and they don't like that he had a misdemeanor in his past. They are supposed to make a decision by next Monday but have also made it clear that they don't particularly care for him. I have been praying for God to provide us with what we need and for him to show my husband what path he should be on. Well, today we got my husband's W-2 from his previous employer and I also discovered that the W-2 for his current employer was available online so I was able to do our taxes tonight and we should be getting our return next Friday. On top of that, we are getting almost double what I thought we would be getting. God has provided for us when we have asked and I truly feel that it is because we are doing everything possible to stay on the path that we need to be on. I know though that He wants more for my husband but I just don't know what it is. My husband is one of the greatest men I have ever known and he has so much potential but I don't think he has felt in his heart what it is that God is calling him to do. I know that I have found that calling for myself and I want so badly for him to be in the same place, but I obviously can't do that for him. For those of you who pray, please pray for my husband to find his path and for the ability to see it when God shows it to him. He so deserves it.

Monday, January 10, 2011

What The Hell?!!

So last Wednesday my oldest was puking his guts up all night. On Friday I was puking my guts up all night and I'm still recovering, and now I'm about to go pick up my husband because he has it coming out the other end at work. What the hell?!! Maybe what God is trying to tell me is that instead of planning to do all of these lists of things that I want to do, I need to focus on relaxing and taking better care of my health and my family's health so that we don't get sick so much anymore. I have been sick or taking care of someone who is sick my entire winter break. It's ridonkulous! I have a couple things that are non-negotiable to do before school starts (organizing the desk and my school notes) but I kind of give up on the other stuff. I guess I'm going to have to let go of being such a control freak and just let things happen organically. My OCD is yelling at me right now for saying that, but stress is just bad for business and I'm tired of being tired of being sick or my little people being sick. AND THEN, I was totally going through caffeine withdrawal. I couldn't figure out why I was having an all day headache since Saturday and then today my stomach finally felt well enough to have coffee (it's like my crack!) and I haven't had a headache all day. Isn't that horrible? I'm a coffee whore! Everyone has their vice I guess, it's just a good thing that mine tastes so delicious! LOL!

So I was looking over my class schedule today and I was trying to get out of taking a statistics class, but it turns out that I need that class in order to get my AA (Finally!) and I can't get away with taking an online Spanish class like I wanted to which would have been easier. That would be TOO easy. It's cool though I need a semester with a heavy course load because when I get to ASU there will be no B.S.-ing about classes. I will have to take what I need no matter how difficult the course load will be. I might as well get used to it now. At least I'll be done with math after this semester. Looking at all that lies before me as far as classes go is daunting sometimes, but I'm equally excited and I kind of can't wait to see how well I can do it. I feel like I'm finally up to the challenge and it will be more fun, and more work, than I think it will be, but in the long run I will absolutely love it. I've never been so excited about anything in my life. I wish everyone could feel like this when they look at their future. It's what I want more than anything for my boys. At times I wish I had felt like this when I was in college before because if I had, I would have finished everything that I wanted to, but at the same time, I don't think that I would be as appreciative of everything and I wouldn't be able to set the example I am setting for my boys and for my husband. As much as everything sucks (finances, sickness, etc.), MY LIFE IS GREAT!!

Friday, January 7, 2011

I Think I Can, I Think I Can!!

So I had a week of being totally and completely not motivated to do much of anything. I haven't even been running. So much for the half marathon at the end of the month. I have been doing more around the house since I actually have the time to cook and clean. The hardest part is feeling guilty because I'm not doing stuff I feel that I should be doing like cleaning and organizing things in the house. I had made a list of 10 things I wanted to do before I go back to school, which is in 10 days, and I have accomplished exactly 1 goal and got rid of 1. So now its going to be a mad rush to get at least most of those things done before I start school. I AM SUCH A PROCRASTINATOR!! I drive myself crazy sometimes. It's not intentional, but it is because there would be days where I would be watching Oprah (who I am totally obsessed with right now. Have you seen her channel OWN?! I'm so hooked.) and think "Hey, I should get up and go organize my school notes," or "I should finish the personal statement that I started last spring so I'll feel more motivated." I totally didn't and now I have 10 days! Now don't get me wrong, most of the stuff on my list is not really what a lot of other people would be doing but I feel like it is necessary in order to feel ready for the next semester and clutter free physically and mentally. I, unfortunately, have a bad habit of creating these goals that are a little OCD (not everyone actually wants to create their daily and weekly schedule or organize and keep all of their school notes in order) and when I don't accomplish these goals I beat myself up a little bit. Right now I feel like a fat ass because I haven't been working out but I haven't actually gained weight. I think that a lot of people must do that though. We set goals, that are sometimes unrealistic or unnecessary, and when we don't reach them we tell ourselves that we suck even though we know, logically, that we don't. Grrrrrrr! I'll have to keep you updated on my goal achievement for the next week.

This is my to do list:
1. Store and organize school notes
2. Go through box of papers
3. Create my personal statement
4. Make weekly and daily schedules
5. Plan weekly meals
6. Clean our refrigerator
7. Clean off table*
8. Reorganize desk
9. Look through anatomy book
* = it has been completed

We shall see. I think I can, I think I can!!