I was thinking the other day that maybe its weird that I don't really talk about a person who had an immense impact on my life. And I don't just mean in this blog, I mean in general, I just don't really talk about my Nana. She is my mother's mother and she is who I truly consider my mom because she made me who I am today. My mother and uncle and aunt had a big impact (some more than others) as well but she is why I am who I am today. She really was amazing. She died in 2001, my senior year in college. I actually did not finish my spring semester of school because she knew she was dying and she wanted me with her. As much as she brought me comfort, I guess I brought her comfort as well. I dream of her every so often and I believe my boys have seen her because kids have a special sense that we lose as adults. My older son has said that he had a dream about his Grandma and that she had blue eyes (my Nana's eyes appeared to be blue because she was blind) and curly hair (my Nana liked perms. Lol!). She just had a way of making you feel like you were the most important person in the world when you were talking to her. She was the best storyteller. She was so loving. My hope is to love my boys and the people around me the way that she loved.
Anyway, I was thinking about my Nana recently because I think that she would be so proud that I have decided to become a doctor despite the fact that I have little people because, even though she never said it, I think she always wished she had taken the opportunity she had to go to college and get her degree after she got divorced from my grandpa. I think that she would be proud that even though I'm a little scared, I'm still doing it. I think that I have also been thinking about her because I miss having that support that is without condition and doesn't play the tit-for-tat game that other people in my life play. I miss having that mother figure in my life. As a woman, you want a mother to go to at times because she understands things that other people don't and she has wisdom to share that can be life altering. I think that I miss her more now that I'm a mommy than I did when she first died. She always just got me.
The only jewelry I wear are 2 rings. One is my wedding ring and the other is a ring with footprints on it that I got in Santa Fe in 1999 on my way to West Texas A&M to play basketball and go to school. My Nana got a matching ring. When she died I placed her ring in the coffin. I guess, in a way, that is my way of talking about her in a non-verbal way. It's my way of carrying a piece of her with me all the time. I love you Nana.