'Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there....with a hot tub!'

So its been a minute. Finals had me totally occupied before them and left me exhausted after them. I graduated last Friday. YAY!! It was a really cool moment in life but Monday the grind started again. My BIO 202 (Anatomy & Physiology 2) is hardcore. I have already had 2 labs this week and I have probably 20 pages of notes just for this week. It's Monday-Thursday for 2 hours everyday and then Monday and Wednesday I have lab scheduled for 4 hours. I have my first test on Monday and my first lab practical next Wednesday. An exam EVERY week and a lab practical every other week. Whew! My instructor calls it boot camp. I love it though. It's pretty amazing how the body works (we're learning all the body systems in this course). We are starting with the cardiovascular system. I feel like it's all I think about because it requires daily studying, daily note typing and constant review. I suppose it is comparable to what I will be doing in medical school. They cram a whole lot of stuff in a small period of time and expect you to master it. It had never really occurred to me until this moment the comparison between the two. I had been thinking that perhaps I would not take summer courses the next few years but maybe it could be a great preparation for me. Hmmmmmm...

So my family got great news last week, we had put in a motion to vacate my husband's misdemeanor and it was granted. For those of you who are not familiar with the impact of that, my husband had a misdemeanor for assault on his record. He had never been in trouble with the law before then and has not been in trouble since then but he had a minimum of 6 companies tell him that they could not hire him because of that single offense. It has made finding a job very difficult for him and, unfortunately, left my husband feeling a little depressed and hopeless when looking for a job. It's been hard for me too because I want to be supportive and understanding of the situation but at the same time I was getting stressed because our sources for funds have been dwindling (all of the credit cards are maxed out) and with nothing coming in I was really considering working part time while trying to take classes and be a good mommy. I came to the realization that working right now is not part of the path God wants me on, but I was worried because I felt like it put a lot of pressure on my husband to provide for our family. The granting of the motion to vacate has put a little pep in my husband's step and he's just really excited now. His hopelessness has been replaced by hopefulness. God has always provided for us when we needed and asked. I think I just need to pray for patience because I just want to know what he has planned for us now!

So over the past weekend we participated in the Relay for Life. It's an overnight walk to raise money for cancer research and awareness. They have them at high schools, on the football field so that the participants can walk around the track and pitch tents on the football field. Technically you are supposed to have someone on the track from the time you get there (3pm on Saturday) to the time you end (5am on Sunday). We totally didn't do that because we had my 2 boys as well as my 2 nephews and niece with us (my mother in law and I) and they are all under the age of 11. It was quite an experience. We let the little people stay up as late as they wanted, we sugared them up with snacks and let them graze like cows with all the snacks we brought the whole time and run around everywhere. They had a lot of fun. I was slightly depressed because I originally wanted to run a few times throughout the time we were there and really challenge myself, but because of my stupid knee (which it looks like I will have to get an MRI on because its not getting better :-( ) I basically sat down the whole time except walking around a couple times with my little people and then speed walking to the bathroom because the 3-year-old decided to wait until the last minute to tell me he had to pee. Awesomeness! So around 3am, my littlest one had finally fallen asleep and the 6-year-old was in full battle with the sandman, and it had gotten quite cold. He was sitting on my lap and we had my Snuggie (they really are pretty awesome!) wrapped around us. He says, "Mommy, I wish there was a hot tub here to warm us up." I said, "Ok, that's good thinking." Then he says, "I wish I could just say, 'Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there....with a hot tub!'" LMFAO! Kids say the best stuff, at the best time.

I Surrender To You...I'm Trying Anyway

This has been a tough 2 weeks. I managed to tear my meniscus in my right knee last week while I was running, I feel like I have had test, after test that I've been studying for and then this week, my allergies have put me on my ass again (STUPID ALLERGIES!!!) and today I had to go to urgent care to make sure it was just my stupid allergies AND because I have managed to have an allergic reaction to something that has caused hives all over my face, chest, back arms and legs. REALLY??!!! She seemed to think that I am having a reaction to the Aleve my primary care physician told me to take for my knee. Freakin ridonkulous! But you know what, I'm good. I graduate next week, I totally kicked ass on my final lab practical (97% baby!) and Mother's Day is this weekend and I get to eat all of my favorite things. Steak, shrimp, homemade mac and cheese and grilled asparagus. Hopefully a couple of bottles of wine to help wash it down although I do have 2 finals on Monday so I don't know how that will work out. LOL! It's cool though. I got this! Not to mention, 3 days after I graduate I start my Bio 202 class (the 2nd anatomy & physiology class) which is all crammed into a wonderful 6 weeks. How exciting!

I have been totally obsessed with Oprah ever since she announced her show was ending. I have watched basically all of her shows this season and I record her everyday. When OWN (the Oprah Winfrey Network for those of you out of the know) started, I was watching on the very first day and trying to recruit everyone else to watch it. I am sadly counting down the days until her show ends (May 25). She has this show on OWN called Master Class where people who are great in their field talk about their journey to become successful and what drove them to get there. I was immediately excited about the show because she showed clips of Jay-Z and Maya Angelou episodes and they are 2 of my favorites. I didn't watch a few because they just weren't interesting people to me, but then I saw a commercial, only once, that showed she was going to have her own episode of Master Class. I was really excited because I find her so inspirational to have come where she came from and reach the heights she has reached. It ended up being a 2-part one and I watched the 1st one and had to record the 2nd. That was a month ago. I finally had a chance to watch it yesterday when my husband went to workout with some friends and my little people were occupied playing and watching cartoons. Let me preface this by saying, I have been facing a lot of inner turmoil concerning my decision to go to school full time and not work, leaving the financial burden to my husband. With him being out of work right now, I have felt that perhaps I needed to sacrifice my dream a little and work part time. I have struggled with it because I am very much an "independent woman" and I always worked for everything I wanted on my own. Just being a stay at home mommy since I lost my job in 2009 was very challenging to me because I didn't feel like I was doing enough for my family. The turmoil I face is feeling the need to contribute financially, yet feeling very at peace when I hear God telling me that to become a physician. I know this is where I am supposed to be and when I am supposed to be doing it. I have no question about that but I also know that we can choose to ignore what He shows us and continue on our own path. I have very fervently been asking Him to give me a sign to show me whether I should try to work or whether I should just continue on the path I am on. The first sign I got was that I received 2 times what I needed for my financial aid for the summer. For us that is almost a months worth of bills. But that wasn't enough for me. My prayer to Him was "God show me what I am supposed to do and make it so clear that I cannot possibly misread or misunderstand it. Help me to know that I am doing the right thing." So last week I hurt my knee. Then while I'm depressed about my knee and feeling like crap because of my stupid allergies (STUPID ALLERGIES!!) I watch Oprah. She was talking about what she's has gone through where she came from and she started talking about how she has always felt like she was going with the flow that God had for her. That she was very mindful and open to what He showed her and she was more than willing to follow His plan. She said that she felt that was the reason she had reached the success she had reached, because she always knew that He required more from her and she always felt that she was destined for more. She started talking about her getting the part in "The Color Purple," which is ironically one of my favorite books and movies. She said that she wanted it so bad that the only thing she prayed for after auditioning was to get the part. When she read in the audition, she was sure that the fact that she was playing Sophia, who is married to Harpo (Oprah spelled backwards) it was a sure sign that it was meant to be. She felt that it was all that she wanted in the world, even more than what she wanted for her show, which was not nationally syndicated yet. Oprah said that she felt that she was not going to get the part when she found out Alfre Woodard, "a real actress," was auditioning that it wasn't going to happen for her. She went to a fat farm in Wisconsin and while running around the track she began singing an old gospel song. Part of it goes, " I surrender to you, Lord I surrender to you..." She didn't believe the words when she first started saying them, she still didn't think that she wanted to actually see the movie when it came out without her in it, but day after day of singing the song and praying to give her the strength to surrender it over to Him, she was finally able to believe her words and allow it to totally be in God's hands. That same day she came to that realization, Steven Spielberg called her and said she got the part.

God has a way of doing things and showing you what it is you should be doing and when you are supposed to do it, but you have to be willing to listen. I have finally realized that in order to get where I want to be and where He wants me to be, I need to surrender to Him. I'm not saying that I believe it 100% right now, but I know that if I keep asking for the strength He will give me the strength to surrender. I truly feel that He wants me to do great things to help people and be the change I want to see in the world.

God, Help Me to Put It In Your Hands

So I'm pretty excited about registering for classes at ASU. I have to sit down with an advisor, hopefully next week but I am very anal and I had to look for the classes I want to take before I even go. It looks like I'll have a pretty good schedule and I will have most of Monday, Wednesday and Friday off with all of my classes on Tuesday and Thursday. I really can't wait. I still have so much to do though outside of school.

As content as I am in the educational and familial part of my life, the financial part of my life has been stressful. My husband is still without a job and I still feel like all the signs God shows me point to the fact that I should not be working. It's a conundrum. I pray to God to allow me to put it all in His hands and not worry about it, but my nature is to worry and want to fix it. I struggle with myself because my instinct is to go work and not take the summer school class that I really want to take but after I got the financial aid that I needed to take my A&P class plus my world religions class, PLUS some extra money, I knew that He was telling me that taking the class is the right thing to do. I struggle with it though. I feel like He has something really big in store for my husband but He wants to test our patience so that we are ready for it. Hopefully we get some good news this week and some of the applications he put in over the weekend and today are what we are waiting for.

On the bright side, my oldest son (6 year old) is being tested for the gifted program today. I'm really excited about it because I was in the gifted program and I loved it. I can remember being really bored in school before I was in it and after it I loved school. He has been having a hard time because he feels like he learns the same stuff everyday and it is stuff he already knows. I really want him to be excited about learning and reading so for me it will be really great if he can get in the program right when 2nd grade starts and really enjoy learning for the whole school year. He's such a phenomenal little boy. He amazes me with how smart he is and how fast he picks things up on his own. He's the coolest!! The little one (3 year old) is pretty cool too! Lol!

I Get to Wear Pretty Stuff!

So the last few weeks have been very full of studying. I have 3 weeks left and I am still doing very well in my classes, but its hard to not want to slack off. I'm not going to do it though. I have worked so hard to get the grades I have and I would be so mad at myself if I didn't continue to get As. I'm almost there though. I picked up my cap and gown yesterday and it felt so good to know that I am about to reach first step of this journey I am on. This will be Graduation Number 1, just 2 more graduations to go. It seems so insignificant to so many people, but I can now say that I am the first college graduate in my family. I am graduating with distinction and as a member of Phi Theta Kappa (that means I get to wear a stole and a cord! Pretty stuff!). I'm really excited!

I'm so excited for the next step, moving on to ASU. I'm really nervous about the classes and instructors but I feel like I have prepared myself well. I'm a worrier though so I will be concerned about it until I get there. I think that maybe I need to see the campus and walk around a little to see what it's like to feel a little more comfortable. Part of my apprehension right now is coming from not really knowing what the future holds for us. The possibility of having to work part-time still looms and I worry about how that will effect my school work. I know I can do it but that does nothing to make me feel better about the situation right now. I am trying my hardest to put it in God's hands and let Him guide us in our decisions but the little voice in the back of my head has a slight case of OCD and it likes to worry about how the bills will be paid. What is meant to happen, will happen. I just need that little voice to accept that. Lol!

God, I'm Still a Work in Progress....

So the last few weeks have been full of "stuff." I had a very nice spring break and I slept in every day and worked out most of the week. It was pretty great. I spent time with my little people and my spectacular husband. I have been kicking ass on my tests (100% on my last Anatomy & Physiology test WOO-HOO!) and school has been really great. In a month I will be graduating and then the plan is to take an online world religions class to finish my associates and hopefully, the 2nd A&P class so I don't have to worry about it at ASU. It's a boot camp class but my instructor is phenomenal. I can only take it if the financial aid I need comes through though so send prayers please! I'm also going through the process of applying for the honors college at ASU and writing the essays that are required as well as asking my instructors for letters of recommendation. It seems like a long process but I really feel like it will be worth it to prepare me for medical school. I figure that if I can't get through honors college and getting my bachelors, with a minor, I probably won't be able to make it in medical school. It seems crazy, I guess, but totally makes sense to my crazy head.

On the flip side, my husband is still without a job and, financially, life has been a struggle. It was hard to admit to myself that I may need to work while going to school because I had my heart set on being able to completely focus on school, but I'm beginning to feel that maybe it is what is required in the long run. It would be a lesson on how to juggle my family and school/work/residency/fellowships/etc. Again, if I can't do it now, I won't be able to do it then. I applied for a position at Phoenix Children's Hospital as a laboratory assistant and I'm kind of hoping that it's the one. It would be a good experience and they want nights and evenings. Only time will tell, but it feels right. Again, prayers please! Lol!

The stress had been getting to me for awhile and my health was beginning to suffer, but I'm really trying to let it go and get on with it. I think that we, especially women, underestimate what we can handle, but when we do it and still accomplish what it is we really want, we realize we always had the strength, we just didn't have the confidence we needed to quell the fears we had. I'm still underestimating myself a little, but I'm getting there. God, I'm still a work in progress, grant me the strength to have the confidence to know I can do everything I want to do and do it well.

Who Ever Thought I Would Like School?!

I never knew that school could be so enjoyable. I never got it before, but in truth, I don't think I was supposed to get it before. I'm sure that part of it is because I am getting good grades (yes, I'm going to brag a little ;-P) but its so different to go to a class and know that something that I am learning is going to apply to what it is I want to do, and even if it doesn't, that I simply learned something new and care to understand it. I wish you could bottle this feeling and understanding up and give it to everyone in school. I have been thinking for the last year about doing some speaking to student-athletes about the importance of an education and how it can affect their future but I wonder 1) if they would be receptive and 2) if it would really make a difference in someone's life. It has been very heavy in my heart to do this type of work, but I'm still trying to put it all together in my head. I would love some feedback about this. Just ideas and comments about this as a possibility. Thanks!!

Anywho, aside from that, I am the biggest dork because I am so excited about working with cadavers in anatomy & physiology today for the first time. I'm slightly concerned about the smell (I don't do smells too well), but other than that it should be fun. I aced the 2nd a&p test I took yesterday which felt great. I'm going to attempt to take bio 202 in the summer along with my online world religions class so that should be fun. I don't even know what I'm going to do with the kids then if my husband is working in the daytime, but I figure that if God has that on my path, then He will help me figure that out on the way.

Orthopaedic Surgeon anyone?

So I got accepted to ASU, but not in the program I had originally wanted. I am OK with it though because it actually makes a little more sense and may make me better prepared for osteopathic school. I will be a Health Sciences major, be pre-med and I hope to get my minor in kinesiology. I am also debating whether I should enter the Honors College. As insignificant as it might sound (not to mention the extra year it will add) the minor in kinesiology is very important to me because I feel it will help me in my overall goal of working with athletes. It will help me become well versed with the movement of the human body so that I can better help the athletes I will work with.  I don't mind the extra year so much because it will allow me to have more time to prepare for the MCAT. I hope to take it no more than 2 times in order to get the score I need to be admitted to the osteopathic program I want. I also have found some more information regarding my eventual specialty and sub specialty as a physician. I think that sports orthopaedic surgery might be it. It sounds so scary because surgical specialties require so much residency and it will probably also require us to move to a different state, or at the very least a different city to complete my residency. It's scary and exciting at the same time. It's scary because I will be in my 40s by the time I am finished with my residency (about 45 to be exact) and we will have to uproot the whole family, BUT I will love what I am doing and my boys will be able to see me complete my dream. Of course I have to make sure that surgery is something that I can do physically and mentally, but the idea of it isn't as scary as I once thought it was.

So I have decided that my little people are absolutely phenomenal. The three year old just isn't liking the whole potty thing. Last week, I was taking his night pull-up off and while I was doing it, he decided to pee all over my hand. I had to take a moment and remind myself that he's only three and take a couple deep breaths before I cleaned him up. It was a difficult moment. Your instinct makes you want to be like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!" but then you have to remember their age and reassess the situation. I told him I wasn't happy with him and then we left for school. When we were almost to his school he told me,"I sorry I peed on your hand Mommy. I not do it again." How can you get mad at that? LOL! Then over the weekend he finally told me why he's so petrified of the potty. He thinks that he's gonna get flushed down the toilet when we flush his pee-pees. He said he thought it would break his head. I wanted to laugh but he was so serious and he would have been so upset. He's the cutest!

My wonderful 6 year old learned a new word, apprehensive. He likes it because he often tells me that stuff makes him nervous and that "his body gets nervous" in certain situations (i.e. having to talk to strangers or going at rides at the fair) so he likes that he has a new word to use other than nervous. I am constantly amazed on how smart he is. I know everyone thinks their child is the brightest, smartest kid, but he really is. LOL! No seriously, he's the youngest 1st grader in his class and he's reading at a 4th grade level and does pretty well in math. I am amazed at the complexity of some of the questions he asks me sometimes. I just think sometimes,"I made that and he's so freakin cool!" I know it sounds crazy, but I still am totally considering having another child. I would only do it if it felt right and we felt like God wanted that in our lives. We shall definitely see.