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Friday, November 19, 2010

What Is My Motivation?

I think the biggest thing that I struggle with right now is myself. I know what I need to do to achieve the goals that I have but I have a hard time keeping myself motivated on a daily basis and not procrastinating. In my microbiology class we get take home tests that are in the form of case studies. We usually have a week to do them and we have to do a certain amount of research to answer the questions. I have had the test since Monday and even though I know that I should have been working on it everyday, I managed to find excuses or allow myself to get distracted. In the past I allowed my willingness to allow myself to get distracted and my lack of motivation to be reason enough to quit whatever it was that I was doing.

The hardest thing for me to do is to stay motivated to finish things. In the beginning I'm great about it and I do everything I'm supposed to do, but then at some point other things become more important. Sometimes its my kids, sometimes its sleep (who really needs that though right? LOL!), sometimes its the "important" things like watching Oprah or Grey's Anatomy. I guess there will always be something that can distract me from my goals.

One of my biggest distractions right now is worrying about finances. Since my husband is the only one working and I'm not getting unemployment anymore, finances are kind of tight. We pay all of our bills and have not been late, but no matter how hard you try not to, you want the things you can't have or can't afford especially with the holidays coming up. It doesn't help that my husband has a job he hates but the reality of the situation is that he has to stay there unless something better comes along. In reality, we have enough money to pay all our bills and have a small cushion, but the temptation is always there to say:
"Forget school. Go back to work and then you can afford to buy crap you really don't need. On top of that you will have to pay daycare which will take at least half of your check, you will no longer get any assistance from the state and if you did want to go to school part-time, you would have to probably pay for it all out of pocket because you would make too much money to get financial aid. Then you can work some place you really hate for the rest of your life and always wish you had finished school. And by the way, when you tell your sons that they should finish what they start, they will tell you why should they when you didn't."
  I may have to print that out and read it everyday. That is my motivation.


  1. You say you are lucky and receive assistance, what would happen if you no longer got this help? And what happened with unemployment assistance it ended? Also you have said you all are down to 1 vehicle? just curious.Wow i applaud your fortitude! Keep going!

  2. I receive food stamps ($400/month) and medical assistance. I was getting unemployment but that ended in September. Shortly after that we had a severe hail storm and my husband's vehicle was deemed a complete loss. It was actually great for us becauase we wouldn't have been able to continue making that payment unless I started working. It was really a Godsend.

    If I did decide to work though, we would lose the food stamps, the medical assistance and somehow need to find a way to make that up along with having to find daycare for my boys. If you look at it that way, working sounds stupid and there would be no way I could even work part time and it actually be worth it. I always wondered how people could get state assistance for food, medical and housing for long periods of time but I totally get it now. What would be considered "enough" by the state simply wouldn't be enough to live on in reality. If it wasn't for my mother in law, we would probably be homeless too.

    This is what has made my decision so difficult. I have to constantly look at the future to understand why the present must be so difficult and sometimes its hard to rationalize. I have to say though, God has a way of always providing enough when you ask it of Him, but never more. You must understand and accept your struggle to bear the fruits of your labor. I know He has a plan for us.

  3. May god continue to bless you and your family!