The last two weeks have been super busy with papers, tests and a speech but I'm here, I got through them and now I have a little down time, so to speak. Organic chemistry test #2 was yesterday and walking away from that test I had a better feeling then on the first test. I also had a physics test that I definitely did horrible on but I expected that because I didn't study for it at all since I also had a speech to give on Monday. I killed the speech though. Despite being ridonkulously nervous I knew my subject (parents changing their child's diet) very well because it has become a passion of mine and I was really looking forward to it. I am all about the food rainbow. ;-)
So I have come to the realization that I am not supposed to be working at this point in time. I don't pretend to be someone who preaches about God or what he has or hasn't done in my life because I am not, but there are certain things I have chosen in my life that I feel have been directed by God/a higher power/whatever you call that force. For me, becoming a doctor is a path chosen by God and I have accepted that path. The struggle concerning me working has been ongoing this last month. There have been a couple of positions I have applied for or wanted to apply for but many of them were pulled from the job board before I had a chance to apply or I never received a call back. I feel that if I forced the issue I would find a job but I have found that listening to God's subtle plans takes a great deal of patience and understanding and this is very much a time where I have to sit back and listen. I went many years not listening to the signs I was receiving from God. Many of the signs were not even subtle, they were blatant and obvious but I was not open to hear them. I have now accepted my path and the life that accompanies it even though it has been a struggle financially at times I know that it is all part of the path and these struggles will pass. One day I know we will be able to look back and say "Now I understand what You wanted us to learn from this," just like a parent does to his/her child.
I registered for Spring 2013 classes on Monday. My schedule is pretty nice. I will still be able to work comfortably on my research project for 2 credits while taking another 14 credits. I think the most difficu lt part will be having 2 online classes that last 8 weeks each. They do not occur concurrently but they are like summer school classes where you cram 16 weeks into half the time. I think I can swing it though and still be able to study for the MCAT and begin working on my personal statement. My goal right now is to take the test on May 30th and then begin the application process shortly after that. This timing will allow me to study throughout the semester and then have 3 full weeks after classes end to study for the MCAT. Applications open in the very beginning of June so I will have some sort of timetable as to when I will receive my scores back. Aaaaaaaaaahhh! It's so scary and exciting all at the same time.
On Saturday my biggest little person turns 8 years old. I feel like I don't know where the last 8 years went in many ways because I remember everything about being pregnant with him, having him and just being able to stare at this awesome little person for the first time. This past weekend he scored his first touchdown and he was so excited he didn't know what to do with himself and I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin from excitement. I think that being a parent is the most difficult job in the world, but it is also the most rewarding by far. Few days go by where I don't look at him and just think, "He's so awesome!" I am the proudest mommy ever
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
God I Think I'm Going to Need a Bigger Plate, My Life Doesn't Fit on This One
I had one of the most relaxing weekends that I have had since school started, despite having to write an abstract for a paper on Saturday. In truth, I took naps on Saturday and Sunday and despite planning on studying for several hours on Sunday, I did not touch my backpack except to look at my agenda and consider what I could have been doing but did not do. It was more of a family weekend though because my oldest had a football game on Saturday with Sunday being more of Mommy Duty Day because I had to go grocery shopping. I did get a few hours of me time when I ran on Sunday morning though. Last week was one of the only weeks this semester where I was actually able to run 3 times. It felt really good to be able to do that and Sunday's run of 7.5 miles equaled my longest run distance. While my legs are screaming at me a bit today, it feels really good to know that I was able to make time for that because it is so important to me and my well being. My goal is to run 3 times this week as well and surpass 7.5 miles on my long day. Being able to say that I am relatively up to date on all my school work is pretty amazing too. My goal now is to stay on top of all of it and begin studying now for my tests 2 weeks from today.
So my organic chemistry instructor is my favorite person in the world right now. He told us this morning that he is grading all of our take home tests that he gave us for extra credit himself and not having his instructional aids grade them because he wants to make sure that we are getting all of the possible points we can. Since we have to get at least an 80% on it to get the points, it means a great deal that he is willing to do that. If I am able to swing the 40 points that could be added to my grade, this would literally SAVE MY ASS! I would at least have a B in the class which I can actually work with. Anything lower starts to get hard to work with and would diminish my hopes of maintaining my GPA at the level I need it to be. Medical schools look at your overall GPA and your science GPA when you apply and I have worked very hard to get mostly A's with a couple B's in all of my science classes. Getting a C would kill me. We get them back on Wednesday so prayers are more than welcome. Lol!
I received a very welcome surprise on Friday. On my way to class I received a phone call from a law office I had applied to that needed an administrative assistant for 6-10 hours a week. I had assumed that they had filled the position already because it was no longer on the job board at school but apparently that was not the case. She had left a message and by the time I was able to return the phone call it was late afternoon but I was in luck because she had not yet left the office to pick up her kids. She wanted to know what my availability was so that she could discuss with her partner who best fit their needs. I told her my available times and we chatted a little bit about our kids who are very similar in age. She ended the phone call telling me she needed to confer with her partner and that she would call or email me back to let me know of their decision. Needless to say, I am still waiting and I am going crazy with anticipation. I have been praying about this a lot lately because financially, my family could really use this, but at the same time I worry about how this will affect everything else. It could threaten the balance I have been able to maintain with school and taking care of myself and my family. Our financial status has almost reached a level of desperation though so perhaps this is what God wants me to do. I will continue to pray and see if and when the call comes. He always answers my prayers, though at times they are not the answers I hope to get. In the end, He is always right and so I hope and pray for the strength to surrender to what is placed in my life.
So my organic chemistry instructor is my favorite person in the world right now. He told us this morning that he is grading all of our take home tests that he gave us for extra credit himself and not having his instructional aids grade them because he wants to make sure that we are getting all of the possible points we can. Since we have to get at least an 80% on it to get the points, it means a great deal that he is willing to do that. If I am able to swing the 40 points that could be added to my grade, this would literally SAVE MY ASS! I would at least have a B in the class which I can actually work with. Anything lower starts to get hard to work with and would diminish my hopes of maintaining my GPA at the level I need it to be. Medical schools look at your overall GPA and your science GPA when you apply and I have worked very hard to get mostly A's with a couple B's in all of my science classes. Getting a C would kill me. We get them back on Wednesday so prayers are more than welcome. Lol!
I received a very welcome surprise on Friday. On my way to class I received a phone call from a law office I had applied to that needed an administrative assistant for 6-10 hours a week. I had assumed that they had filled the position already because it was no longer on the job board at school but apparently that was not the case. She had left a message and by the time I was able to return the phone call it was late afternoon but I was in luck because she had not yet left the office to pick up her kids. She wanted to know what my availability was so that she could discuss with her partner who best fit their needs. I told her my available times and we chatted a little bit about our kids who are very similar in age. She ended the phone call telling me she needed to confer with her partner and that she would call or email me back to let me know of their decision. Needless to say, I am still waiting and I am going crazy with anticipation. I have been praying about this a lot lately because financially, my family could really use this, but at the same time I worry about how this will affect everything else. It could threaten the balance I have been able to maintain with school and taking care of myself and my family. Our financial status has almost reached a level of desperation though so perhaps this is what God wants me to do. I will continue to pray and see if and when the call comes. He always answers my prayers, though at times they are not the answers I hope to get. In the end, He is always right and so I hope and pray for the strength to surrender to what is placed in my life.
Friday, September 28, 2012
I'm On the Right Path and It's the Scenic Route, No Shortcuts
So I officially bombed my first test in organic chemistry. The last time I did this poorly on a test was when I was in college over 10 years ago playing basketball. I actually almost started crying during the test because I felt so overwhelmed with the information I did not know. It was the worst feeling ever. I got my test back yesterday and my instructor said that in the 12 years he has taught organic chemistry, this is the lowest class average he has ever had. I don't know if that should make me feel better or worse. I can say though that this has made me step back and re-evaluate what I am doing with my time and what I need to do to change the outcome next time. The few days after taking the test I had to be very prayerful because after taking it, I literally just checked out for the rest of the day. I didn't want to look at anything concerning school and I really just wanted to be in my own space which my husband completely understood. I allowed myself to be upset for the rest of the day and when I woke up in the morning I asked myself what I had to do so that I would not feel this way again. I prayed. I asked for understanding about what I needed to change and how I needed to react to this situation. What I discovered is I had not been dedicating the amount of time studying that I had in previous semesters. Previously, I had study time scheduled into my day when I was at school but my schedule now does not require me to stay for another class and I do not have any gaps in my schedule. I realized it wasn't the material that had changed, it was me and my focus. I also figured out that if I chose to work a 20 hour per week job, I would be sabotaging my own success. I am on the precipice of everything I have been working for the last 2 years falling into place and my decisions and actions now will determine where I am 2 years from now. I'll either be starting my 1st year of osteopathic school or figuring out what to do with my life, again.
Failure is not an option for me. The goal that I have is not a dream or even a wish, its a calling, it's the path that I am supposed to be on at the time I am supposed to be on it. I know where I am going, I am in control of how I get there.
"I am working for what my heart is saying."
Failure is not an option for me. The goal that I have is not a dream or even a wish, its a calling, it's the path that I am supposed to be on at the time I am supposed to be on it. I know where I am going, I am in control of how I get there.
"I am working for what my heart is saying."
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Being a Grown Up Is So Hard Sometimes
So my first Organic Chemistry test is tomorrow and I am freaking out a little. I have done some studying and I made sure to finish all the homework that was due so that I have all day today to study. My instructor was also nice enough to finish almost all of another chapter yesterday in class so that will probably be on the test too. Awesome. (NOT!) While I am grasping certain parts of the material in the class, I am having a hard time fully grasping all of it. No matter how many times I tell myself I am going to start studying earlier than the weekend before a test, it always comes to that with most of it being done the day before. Honestly, I wonder sometimes how I got a B in the first semester of OChem. The last few days I have definitely had to remind myself that I am not indeed an idiot and while I do not always feel like I am understanding information, somehow it manages to seep its way into my brain. Right before tests I always tend to have an incredible sense of self-doubt and my confidence wavers a little but ultimately I make it through.
I have been wavering on the idea of applying for a work-study position at school. While I feel like it would make sense fiscally, I am unsure about how it will affect my schoolwork and my family. Most of the positions that are open are 20 hours per week. I would have to probably be at school at 8am, work for 2-4 hours before class, and then stay until 3pm almost everyday and then work a 7 hour day on Tuesdays since I do not have class that day. Some of this time is usually spent studying or doing homework so I would have to find other times to do my schoolwork. The time it would infringe on would be my family time during the week and on the weekends. I try to keep the majority of my weekends as family time but that would definitely have to change if I started working. Along with this, I would also have make a decision about whether I would still want running to be a big part of my life because it would be nearly impossible to run on a regular basis. That one is really hard for me because it is the one thing that I do that is solely for me and my personal well-being. Being a grown up is so hard sometimes. I think I have to remind my self of the goal I created for this semester: "Stay prayerful, stay motivated, stay strong and listen to what He has to say."
Mommyhood is wonderful as always. My little monkeys are pretty well adjusted to their school schedule now and my oldest has been able to handle football too. Now that he is in 3rd grade and having to take tests and learning study skills, he has a better understanding of why I am studying all the time and I have been able to help him understand why he is learning some of the skills he is learning in school (i.e. having a planner, reviewing information before a test, organizing a binder). While he is still only 7 years old, I am able to show him he will need these skills even as an adult and that learning them now will make it easier when he gets older. Its sinking in slowly, he's getting there. My little one absolutely loves school and has a little crush on his fine arts teacher. He's too cute. I asked him if he likes older women and he said, "Yes mommy," with a big smile on his face. Lol! I <3 my monkeys!
I have been wavering on the idea of applying for a work-study position at school. While I feel like it would make sense fiscally, I am unsure about how it will affect my schoolwork and my family. Most of the positions that are open are 20 hours per week. I would have to probably be at school at 8am, work for 2-4 hours before class, and then stay until 3pm almost everyday and then work a 7 hour day on Tuesdays since I do not have class that day. Some of this time is usually spent studying or doing homework so I would have to find other times to do my schoolwork. The time it would infringe on would be my family time during the week and on the weekends. I try to keep the majority of my weekends as family time but that would definitely have to change if I started working. Along with this, I would also have make a decision about whether I would still want running to be a big part of my life because it would be nearly impossible to run on a regular basis. That one is really hard for me because it is the one thing that I do that is solely for me and my personal well-being. Being a grown up is so hard sometimes. I think I have to remind my self of the goal I created for this semester: "Stay prayerful, stay motivated, stay strong and listen to what He has to say."
Mommyhood is wonderful as always. My little monkeys are pretty well adjusted to their school schedule now and my oldest has been able to handle football too. Now that he is in 3rd grade and having to take tests and learning study skills, he has a better understanding of why I am studying all the time and I have been able to help him understand why he is learning some of the skills he is learning in school (i.e. having a planner, reviewing information before a test, organizing a binder). While he is still only 7 years old, I am able to show him he will need these skills even as an adult and that learning them now will make it easier when he gets older. Its sinking in slowly, he's getting there. My little one absolutely loves school and has a little crush on his fine arts teacher. He's too cute. I asked him if he likes older women and he said, "Yes mommy," with a big smile on his face. Lol! I <3 my monkeys!
Monday, September 3, 2012
I Have Most Definitely Evolved
School has just started and I already feel like I am behind. This semester is definitely going to be a test to how well I am able to schedule my days and motivate myself when I am not physically in class or at school. In a lot of ways I think this will allow me to develop the skills I'm going to need once I do get to medical school. I have to say that I have mastered the ability to study anywhere, under all types of circumstances. Last week my oldest son had to go to the dentist and get some fillings. I took my laptop with me and watched 2 of the video lectures for my physics class, taking notes the whole time. I was able to understand what he was talking about (as much as I can understand physics ;-) and it was in an environment that was not necessarily conducive to learning. I was actually a little proud of myself because I can remember a time when I could not study unless I was under "ideal" conditions. I have evolved.
My class schedule is pretty awesome though. I have a total of 4 classes, organic chemistry (2nd semester), physics (online), nutrition and health communication and nutrition in western civilization. Along with that I am working on my research project that I will receive 2 credits for. I am not taking the lab for my physics class because I decided to take it in the spring, hoping it will help me review when I am studying for the MCAT. The physics class is going to be interesting in and of itself because it is completely online. It is nice that we have video lectures, video homework sessions and test review videos so I can only hope I am able to learn and retain information that way. So far, so good (kinda). Organic chemistry is what it is and it is a beast. My instructor is phenomenal and makes sure he gives us as much support as possible. I will miss not having him after this semester since I will be done with my chemistry classes. My nutrition classes are nice in that I do not have to take tests for those classes, but there are writing intensive which is strong point of mine considering I am formerly an English major. There are aspects of both classes I am really looking forward to and I can definitely say these classes are going to have a level of personal enjoyment for me. I'm pretty excited about them.
I learned this week that I do not necessarily have to work in order to continue to receive assistance, but I do have to send in weekly worksheets that show my class schedule and my study time. Despite not having to, I am considering doing some work-study in the honors office if they can find some tasks for me to complete. The process to have my financial aid amended so that I could receive work-study was much easier than I thought it would be and it just made sense to have it as a backup. Will it add more to my schedule? Yes. Don't I have enough already on my plate? Yes, but my goal is to do it during the time my boys are at school and it would create a small safety net for us financially because we will not have to worry about how we are going to make ends meet once my financial aid runs out. Again, we shall see what He has in store for us. Despite our best laid plans, God's plan will always bring us to where we need to be and many times our plans do not coincide with His plans so we need to be willing to listen to Him and open ourselves to all possibilities. Goal for this week, month, semester: Stay prayerful, stay motivated, stay strong and listen to what He has to say.
My class schedule is pretty awesome though. I have a total of 4 classes, organic chemistry (2nd semester), physics (online), nutrition and health communication and nutrition in western civilization. Along with that I am working on my research project that I will receive 2 credits for. I am not taking the lab for my physics class because I decided to take it in the spring, hoping it will help me review when I am studying for the MCAT. The physics class is going to be interesting in and of itself because it is completely online. It is nice that we have video lectures, video homework sessions and test review videos so I can only hope I am able to learn and retain information that way. So far, so good (kinda). Organic chemistry is what it is and it is a beast. My instructor is phenomenal and makes sure he gives us as much support as possible. I will miss not having him after this semester since I will be done with my chemistry classes. My nutrition classes are nice in that I do not have to take tests for those classes, but there are writing intensive which is strong point of mine considering I am formerly an English major. There are aspects of both classes I am really looking forward to and I can definitely say these classes are going to have a level of personal enjoyment for me. I'm pretty excited about them.
I learned this week that I do not necessarily have to work in order to continue to receive assistance, but I do have to send in weekly worksheets that show my class schedule and my study time. Despite not having to, I am considering doing some work-study in the honors office if they can find some tasks for me to complete. The process to have my financial aid amended so that I could receive work-study was much easier than I thought it would be and it just made sense to have it as a backup. Will it add more to my schedule? Yes. Don't I have enough already on my plate? Yes, but my goal is to do it during the time my boys are at school and it would create a small safety net for us financially because we will not have to worry about how we are going to make ends meet once my financial aid runs out. Again, we shall see what He has in store for us. Despite our best laid plans, God's plan will always bring us to where we need to be and many times our plans do not coincide with His plans so we need to be willing to listen to Him and open ourselves to all possibilities. Goal for this week, month, semester: Stay prayerful, stay motivated, stay strong and listen to what He has to say.
Monday, August 20, 2012
I Totally Have a 5 Dimensional Life, 3D Just Isn't Enough
So my classes start in 4 days and I am excited and nervous at the same time. This is going to be a very challenging semester but it's going to bring me another step closer to the next stage of my education. After this semester I will be done with all my prerequisites that will prepare me for the MCAT. This will also be the last semester I have to take 2 sciences with labs at the same time, although I am probably going to take one of those labs in the spring instead. For those of you who understand how tough it is to take 2 sciences together, you know how excited I am to finally not have to do it anymore. Woo-hoo! Along with all of my regular classes, I am also going to be working pretty intensively on the research project I am involved in. It's becoming a lot more real now because we are working on the curriculum and what we are going to present to the parents and kids. It is absolutely a labor of love though and I am really looking forward to it.
My little people are doing really awesome! School has been tough for my little one to adjust to especially since their school day is 8am to 4pm but my big guy has been doing really well and has even been able to adjust with having football as well. I've been so proud of them because this has been a really big adjustment for them and they are becoming such big boys. It's still hard because they are growing up so fast. On the first day of school my husband had to make me leave because I wanted to get one last look at my monkeys. It was a little tough but I made it through. ;-)
We have been dealing with a lot financially as well because we have had our benefits we receive for food assistance decrease since both of our children are in school. Apparently, since I am in school and we no longer have a child who is not in school, I am not longer an eligible household member because I do not work. From the information I have read, I have to work at least part-time while attending school, even though I'm a full time student. The whole government assistance program seems to set up people, especially women, for failure. I understand that it is important for women to move forward and be able to support their families but at the same time, by making it more difficult for people to successively attend and complete school, the government is creating a cycle of failure. I do not work while attending school because it would not only make it extremely difficult to get the grades I need to be accepted into medical school, but it would take away from the time I spend with my children and nothing comes before them. If absolutely necessary, I will work, but it will definitely create and added stress to my already stressful life. The next few weeks will be very interesting and may add another dimension to my multi-dimensional life.
My little people are doing really awesome! School has been tough for my little one to adjust to especially since their school day is 8am to 4pm but my big guy has been doing really well and has even been able to adjust with having football as well. I've been so proud of them because this has been a really big adjustment for them and they are becoming such big boys. It's still hard because they are growing up so fast. On the first day of school my husband had to make me leave because I wanted to get one last look at my monkeys. It was a little tough but I made it through. ;-)
We have been dealing with a lot financially as well because we have had our benefits we receive for food assistance decrease since both of our children are in school. Apparently, since I am in school and we no longer have a child who is not in school, I am not longer an eligible household member because I do not work. From the information I have read, I have to work at least part-time while attending school, even though I'm a full time student. The whole government assistance program seems to set up people, especially women, for failure. I understand that it is important for women to move forward and be able to support their families but at the same time, by making it more difficult for people to successively attend and complete school, the government is creating a cycle of failure. I do not work while attending school because it would not only make it extremely difficult to get the grades I need to be accepted into medical school, but it would take away from the time I spend with my children and nothing comes before them. If absolutely necessary, I will work, but it will definitely create and added stress to my already stressful life. The next few weeks will be very interesting and may add another dimension to my multi-dimensional life.
Monday, July 30, 2012
A Year of Change is Coming
So the fall semester starts in about 4 weeks and I don't know if I'm entirely ready. I have been in summer school the whole summer. I ended up with an A in physics (YAAAAAY!!!!) and I am currently taking a Bioethics class which is pretty interesting. Once that class ends I have a whole 10 days off before going back to class. I'll take it though. My little monkeys start school next week and my older little guy starts football practice this week. This is going to be a crazy semester between my class schedule, my research project, my littlest guy being in school for the first time and my bigger guy playing Pop Warner. That's not even to mention what may or may not be going on with my husband. He has a lot of things on the verge of happening but nothing is set in concrete yet so its just a wait and see. We tried to get him enrolled in school 3 times unsuccessfully so we figured that now is just not the time for him to start school. God has other plans for him and I cannot wait to see what they will be.
One thing that I did learn over the summer is that the blood clotting disorder I was told I had, I do not have. The hematologist I saw was awesome and she explained everything to me very clearly. The main thing I learned is that, as a physician, it is very important to explain things to your patients and not to keep them waiting or guessing; also, before jumping to conclusions, it is also very important to have a clear understanding of what is affecting your patient so that you can explain it to the patient in a compassionate way.
So this next year will be full of life changing events. I will be taking the rest of the classes I need to prepare for the MCAT this semester and I will take the MCAT in June of 2013. Medical school applications open in June as well so I will be completing those right after taking the test. It takes 6-8 weeks to get your results back for the MCAT and then interviews usually start around August or September at the schools if not earlier. Another dilemma I am going to have to make a decision about is which schools to apply for. I will definitely apply to the 2 osteopathic schools in state but beyond that I am not sure where else. My goal is to stay in state so I do not have to move my little guys yet but I may still have to think about that a little more. I am almost certain we will have to move for my residency and I am hoping to be able to allow that to be our one big move but I also realize that may not be our reality. The next year will definitely change our lives but all we can do is stay prayerful and follow the path that God shows us we are to follow.
One thing that I did learn over the summer is that the blood clotting disorder I was told I had, I do not have. The hematologist I saw was awesome and she explained everything to me very clearly. The main thing I learned is that, as a physician, it is very important to explain things to your patients and not to keep them waiting or guessing; also, before jumping to conclusions, it is also very important to have a clear understanding of what is affecting your patient so that you can explain it to the patient in a compassionate way.
So this next year will be full of life changing events. I will be taking the rest of the classes I need to prepare for the MCAT this semester and I will take the MCAT in June of 2013. Medical school applications open in June as well so I will be completing those right after taking the test. It takes 6-8 weeks to get your results back for the MCAT and then interviews usually start around August or September at the schools if not earlier. Another dilemma I am going to have to make a decision about is which schools to apply for. I will definitely apply to the 2 osteopathic schools in state but beyond that I am not sure where else. My goal is to stay in state so I do not have to move my little guys yet but I may still have to think about that a little more. I am almost certain we will have to move for my residency and I am hoping to be able to allow that to be our one big move but I also realize that may not be our reality. The next year will definitely change our lives but all we can do is stay prayerful and follow the path that God shows us we are to follow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)