Being a Grown Up Is So Hard Sometimes

So my first Organic Chemistry test is tomorrow and I am freaking out a little. I have done some studying and I made sure to finish all the homework that was due so that I have all day today to study. My instructor was also nice enough to finish almost all of another chapter yesterday in class so that will probably be on the test too. Awesome. (NOT!) While I am grasping certain parts of the material in the class, I am having a hard time  fully grasping all of it. No matter how many times I tell myself I am going to start studying earlier than the weekend before a test, it always comes to that with most of it being done the day before. Honestly, I wonder sometimes how I got a B in the first semester of OChem. The last few days I have definitely had to remind myself that I am not indeed an idiot and while I do not always feel like I am understanding information, somehow it manages to seep its way into my brain. Right before tests I always tend to have an incredible sense of self-doubt and my confidence wavers a little but ultimately I make it through.

I have been wavering on the idea of applying for a work-study position at school. While I feel like it would make sense fiscally, I am unsure about how it will affect my schoolwork and my family. Most of the positions that are open are 20 hours per week. I would have to probably be at school at 8am, work for 2-4 hours before class, and then stay until 3pm almost everyday and then work a 7 hour day on Tuesdays since I do not have class that day. Some of this time is usually spent studying or doing homework so I would have to find other times to do my schoolwork. The time it would infringe on would be my family time during the week and on the weekends. I try to keep the majority of my weekends as family time but that would definitely have to change if I started working. Along with this, I would also have make a decision about whether I would still want running to be a big part of my life because it would be nearly impossible to run on a regular basis. That one is really hard for me because it is the one thing that I do that is solely for me and my personal well-being. Being a grown up is so hard sometimes. I think I have to remind my self of the goal I created for this semester: "Stay prayerful, stay motivated, stay strong and listen to what He has to say."

Mommyhood is wonderful as always. My little monkeys are pretty well adjusted to their school schedule now and my oldest has been able to handle football too. Now that he is in 3rd grade and having to take tests and learning study skills, he has a better understanding of why I am studying all the time and I have been able to help him understand why he is learning some of the skills he is learning in school (i.e. having a planner, reviewing information before a test, organizing a binder). While he is still only 7 years old, I am able to show him he will need these skills even as an adult and that learning them now will make it easier when he gets older. Its sinking in slowly, he's getting there. My little one absolutely loves school and has a little crush on his fine arts teacher. He's too cute. I asked him if he likes older women and he said, "Yes mommy," with a big smile on his face. Lol!  I <3 my monkeys!