Over this past weekend I went to visit a friend of mine who is also "older" and is in her 1st year of medical school. I went to spend time with her (as she is one of my most favoritest people ever) and to see the school because I am interested in applying this coming cycle. Because I have kids, it is important to me that I look at the area the school is in and the elementary and high schools that are in the area. I very much enjoyed the trip and I needed the time to recharge, rejuvenate and reevaluate. There is a lot to be said about being able to enjoy and be enveloped by a comfortable silence with people you care about. The fantastic wine was amazing as well!
I was able to tour the school, participate in a 5k and got to sit through the first couple of lectures on neurology. I was also able to attend an AMWA (American Medical Women's Association) meeting. The speaker for the day was a woman who is a trauma surgeon and has 2 small children. She was great to hear speak as she told us that, as women, we should constantly be encouraging and supporting other women. She spoke about feeling that she tried to be very careful with her choice of words when speaking to pre-med and medical students because she understood she had to be aware of the impact her words could have on other women; she never wanted to be the person to crush someone's dream. She then continued to speak about following your dreams despite what other people might say about your life choices. I felt very inspired. Then she opened it up to questions. There were quite a few questions about being a mom and doctor. She was specifically asked about how she manages household and family duties with such a demanding job. She began by saying that she handles all of the duties to manage her household and the things for her kids. She then went on to say that most of the women she knows, whether doctors or not, fall into the same roles. And this is where she lost me. She then said that she takes on this role because that is just what is expected in our society and as women, we just have to accept it. She told a room full of women in their 1st year of medical school, most of whom are not even married yet, that they should just accept the gender roles that society has set for them because that's just how it is. Despite the fact that they are already pushing back against gender roles because of the profession they have chosen to pursue. Despite that fact that she just warned them about the difficulty and complexity of gender roles when you are a female doctor, she tells them to accept this part.
But it gets better. A couple other young ladies asked about the best time to have children, which she answered. So I decided to ask about any experiences she had seen with women who had kids before going to medical school. She said that she knew of a lady when she was in medical school who had 3 children, the oldest daughter was in high school. That daughter got pregnant and decided to keep the baby. Money was tight in their family and the mom decided to pick up some ICU shifts because she had previously been a nurse. She then started to fail her medical school classes and eventually failed out of school. She then said, "She never finished. It was sad." And that was it. End of story, she just moved on and changed the subject. After all of the talk about not being a dream crusher and uplifting other women and following your dreams, that's the story she told and that is how she left it. The woman sitting next to me during this meeting happened to have a child and a very supportive significant other who stays at home with her child. I looked at her at the end of the meeting and said, "We need to give her better stories to tell." After this talk I had a 6 hour drive to ponder her words. The further I drove, the more the anger in me grew. I decided that I needed to write her a letter. I do not plan on sending it but I need to express what grew inside me when she spoke those words and I had time to really marinate in those words. This is what I have to say to her.
Dear Dr. Surgeon Lady,
I found some of your words so inspiring and uplifting. The words about encouraging fellow women and sticking together. The words about being purposeful with your words and realizing your impact. And the words about pursuing what is in your heart despite what other people might say or think. I was excited and fired up.
But then you told a room primarily made up of young, unmarried women who trust you because they learn from you and trust your experience because you are doing what they have alway aspired to do, that they should conform to the gender roles that our anti-feministic and misogynistic society places on them. You told them that no matter what obstacles that these ladies had to go through to reach the title of Dr. and to be respected in their profession, they would still have to conform to those gender roles because that's just what our society dictates. You then went on to essentially tell me that because I have 3 kids, becoming a doctor is an impossibility. It's too hard and too demanding for someone with a house full of kids.
How dare you! How dare you tell those young ladies that they must conform to the rules of the society. How dare you tell them that they should expect that from the man they marry, that he should not partake in running the household as though it is not their responsibility as well. How dare you assume that they should set those expectations for themselves and their spouses or significant others. How dare you assume that everyone else in society actually believes in the parameters you have set for yourself and your family.
And another thing, HOW DARE YOU say that my dream is impossible! You insinuated that it is too hard and attempted to crush my dream. How dare you attempt to set my personal expectations so low and destroy everything that I have been working towards the past 7 years. How dare you!
But it was only an attempt because clearly you don't know me. My husband currently stays at home with my kids, cleans the house, makes dinner most nights, picks the kids up from school and takes them to most of their doctor appointments. My husband knows that once I get to medical school this current 60/40 (him/me) household burden will dwindle to 80/20 or 90/10 and might even frequently be at 100/0 because that's what it takes to get where I want to get. He knows that he will have to do that while working and will need to get help from our older kids who are also preparing themselves for that time. My 2 older kids (who are boys) are well aware of what I am about to embark on and the need for them to help out around the house so I can follow my dreams and demonstrate that they can follow theirs as well. While some men do conform to their gender roles, other men, like mine, fight against it and are as much a feminist as me. And my guys are not the only ones, more and more men are wanting to leave the idea of gender roles behind and teach their daughters and sons that girls and boys are equally capable of doing whatever they put their minds to and getting paid the same amount for those endeavors. I have made a concerted effort to make sure that my boys are aware of this constant theme within our society and can identify and defy it. I have made the effort to make sure that they understand that their little sister is just as capable of doing the things that they do and play with "boy toys" because in reality toys are toys and colors are colors. The only way to change society is to change the thought processes of the members of the society.
And lastly, I am so glad that your opinion does not matter to me, that I hold no value in the weight of your words. I am sorry for that lady that you knew who did not make it through medical school. That is a sad story but for every 1 story like that, I can think of 2 and 3 that made it through. Perhaps you should broaden your horizons and grow your circle because the stories of mothers who have completed medical school are far more vast and numerous than you are apparently aware of. Whether you meant to or not, you have lit a fire, a huge motherf%&@in' fire! You challenged me and I have accepted that challenge. You will have a different story to tell in 5 years when the next mom who wants to be a doctor asks you. I'm here, I'm ready and I'm coming.
Sincerely,
(Soon-to-be) Dr. Andrian Q. McGhee
#CHALLENGEACCEPTED
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
#CHALLENGEACCEPTED (Part 1)
Sooooo, it's been a while. Since my last post (10/2015) I have continued to struggle with anxiety and depression. I did cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) for several months which helped tremendously. I went back to working full-time in June 2016 as a scribe in a cardiology office, which I love. My son's GI issues were found to be IBS and he is now off of PPIs and feels tremendously better. My husband is acting house husband and just finished his courses for his Bachelor's degree in December. He has been phenomenal by the way and is learning how to manage the house to get us ready for medical school.
Despite all of these wonderful things, the depression and anxiety reared their ugly heads in November. At the end of December I discovered that it was directly linked to my menstrual cycle and it was progressively getting worse. I made the decision to seek help again and started an SSRI. It was the best decision that I could have made. I have dealt with ongoing side effects but I feel more myself than I have since before having my daughter. I am finally at a point where I can really begin to look forward without getting in my own way.
We thought my oldest son was out of the woods with all of his health issues, but a few weeks ago he had a strange episode while playing basketball and is currently getting evaluated by a cardiologist. While it is not as serious of a problem as we first thought, there are still some abnormalities. We follow up next week and hopefully we'll have some definitive answers. Despite all of that, I have been able to maintain mental and emotional stability and I'm really proud of that.
Despite all of these wonderful things, the depression and anxiety reared their ugly heads in November. At the end of December I discovered that it was directly linked to my menstrual cycle and it was progressively getting worse. I made the decision to seek help again and started an SSRI. It was the best decision that I could have made. I have dealt with ongoing side effects but I feel more myself than I have since before having my daughter. I am finally at a point where I can really begin to look forward without getting in my own way.
We thought my oldest son was out of the woods with all of his health issues, but a few weeks ago he had a strange episode while playing basketball and is currently getting evaluated by a cardiologist. While it is not as serious of a problem as we first thought, there are still some abnormalities. We follow up next week and hopefully we'll have some definitive answers. Despite all of that, I have been able to maintain mental and emotional stability and I'm really proud of that.
Friday, October 23, 2015
Gotta Keep Moving Forward
Soooooo, it' been a minute. I feel like the last 3 months have been crazy busy and have gone by entirely too fast. Well, I am still working on my applications, clearly still dragging my feet a little, but I am committed to finishing by the end of next week. I have 1 LOR completed and submitted, and 1 more to work on. I was able to go to a pre-health conference at UC Davis a few weeks ago which was pretty amazing. I was able to make a few connections, find out about some new programs at my top school of interest and really regain my confidence in myself because my worth as a non-traditional student was validated by many of the admissions advisors for several medical schools. Listening to what many of the people who are part of admissions committee said about the importance of life experience and being authentic in interviews made me realize that I am absolutely what schools are looking for in an applicant. Also, going to that conference made me realized that I am way too old to sit in a car for hours and be able to physically recoup quickly. Can we say swollen feet and sore back and ridiculous tiredness? Yup, all of it. And on top of that, my friend and I probably were 2 of the oldest people there, probably close to the age of some of the parents who were there with their child. Mmmm-hmmmm....
**I often talk about personal things on my blog, but I try to keep some level of "space" so that I am primarily talking about my path to medical school, but sometimes life just gets in the way and I feel compelled to share those parts at times too.**
There are a couple of things that have really impacted me finishing my application. I have talked about my son in previous posts and how we have been trying to figure out his health situation. Long story short, he has always had a peanut allergy but last year in September he suddenly developed multiple allergies to different foods (tree nuts, tomatoes, carrots, pineapple, and, recently strawberries) and severe lactose intolerance. He previously had very mild lactose intolerance but it became severe very rapidly. In April of this year he began having severe abdominal pain after eating and started taking Omeprazole, which helped minimally. Over the summer we had several doctor visits and a few ER visits. He has developed reactions to some new foods, has become more sensitive to the ones he already had, and has developed chronic constipation along with it. In August, just as school started, he went through a period of 3 weeks where he was vomiting daily, had a couple of syncopal/near syncopal episodes and felt really horrible every single day. After a visit to the children's hospital, we got him on a medication for his stomach that actually makes everything bearable and stopped the daily vomiting. He still has chronic abdominal pain but he has an appetite and is gaining weight. Two weeks ago we finally got an official diagnosis from his allergist of Oral Allergy Syndrome (OAS). He is in the 2% of people with OAS who has severe reactions to foods. (If this interests you, I encourage you to look it up. It is not well known and even some of the physicians I have talked to have never heard of it. There is a lot of literature out there on it.) Unfortunately, it also seems to be getting worse so there is trepidation every time he eats fruits or vegetables, even ones he has not had a reaction to before, because it seems to be ever changing. He had started immunotherapy for his pollen allergies, which are tied to his OAS, but the higher the dosage was, the less he was able to tolerate the dosages and we are currently taking a break from them. I say all of this because this has been my focus for the past few months and it has felt impossible to put any focus on anything else. While we are in a good place right now with his health, I want more answers than we are receiving right now and he is definitely a work in progress. He's getting there though. :-)
So the other thing that I have been dealing with is trying to get help with the depression I have been dealing with since having my daughter. I have not spoken about this to anyone other than my family but I feel like it is having a bigger impact than I had thought and it is something that so many women deal with after having a baby. I do not recall feeling this way after my first 2 pregnancies, but then again, I did not stay home after my first 2 pregnancies because I was working full-time in managerial positions so if I did have those feelings, I did not bother to acknowledge them. It is really hard and I am trying to find help with my depression because I need to learn how to deal with it before I am able to move forward.
That is where I am right now but I know that I still need to continue moving forward because despite all of these obstacles, I am still determined to start osteopathic school in the fall of 2016 and I feel very confident that there is a good possibility that I will be able to do that. If you pray, I welcome your prayers, if you believe in the transfer of energy, I welcome your positive energy.
**I often talk about personal things on my blog, but I try to keep some level of "space" so that I am primarily talking about my path to medical school, but sometimes life just gets in the way and I feel compelled to share those parts at times too.**
There are a couple of things that have really impacted me finishing my application. I have talked about my son in previous posts and how we have been trying to figure out his health situation. Long story short, he has always had a peanut allergy but last year in September he suddenly developed multiple allergies to different foods (tree nuts, tomatoes, carrots, pineapple, and, recently strawberries) and severe lactose intolerance. He previously had very mild lactose intolerance but it became severe very rapidly. In April of this year he began having severe abdominal pain after eating and started taking Omeprazole, which helped minimally. Over the summer we had several doctor visits and a few ER visits. He has developed reactions to some new foods, has become more sensitive to the ones he already had, and has developed chronic constipation along with it. In August, just as school started, he went through a period of 3 weeks where he was vomiting daily, had a couple of syncopal/near syncopal episodes and felt really horrible every single day. After a visit to the children's hospital, we got him on a medication for his stomach that actually makes everything bearable and stopped the daily vomiting. He still has chronic abdominal pain but he has an appetite and is gaining weight. Two weeks ago we finally got an official diagnosis from his allergist of Oral Allergy Syndrome (OAS). He is in the 2% of people with OAS who has severe reactions to foods. (If this interests you, I encourage you to look it up. It is not well known and even some of the physicians I have talked to have never heard of it. There is a lot of literature out there on it.) Unfortunately, it also seems to be getting worse so there is trepidation every time he eats fruits or vegetables, even ones he has not had a reaction to before, because it seems to be ever changing. He had started immunotherapy for his pollen allergies, which are tied to his OAS, but the higher the dosage was, the less he was able to tolerate the dosages and we are currently taking a break from them. I say all of this because this has been my focus for the past few months and it has felt impossible to put any focus on anything else. While we are in a good place right now with his health, I want more answers than we are receiving right now and he is definitely a work in progress. He's getting there though. :-)
So the other thing that I have been dealing with is trying to get help with the depression I have been dealing with since having my daughter. I have not spoken about this to anyone other than my family but I feel like it is having a bigger impact than I had thought and it is something that so many women deal with after having a baby. I do not recall feeling this way after my first 2 pregnancies, but then again, I did not stay home after my first 2 pregnancies because I was working full-time in managerial positions so if I did have those feelings, I did not bother to acknowledge them. It is really hard and I am trying to find help with my depression because I need to learn how to deal with it before I am able to move forward.
That is where I am right now but I know that I still need to continue moving forward because despite all of these obstacles, I am still determined to start osteopathic school in the fall of 2016 and I feel very confident that there is a good possibility that I will be able to do that. If you pray, I welcome your prayers, if you believe in the transfer of energy, I welcome your positive energy.
Saturday, July 4, 2015
Busy and Lazy All at Once
Soooooo, I've been simultaneously busy and lazy the last month or so. Kids are enjoying their summer break and I am trying to keep them as busy as I can with our itty-bitty person in mind. We've gone swimming, gone to the splash pad, went to the science center and both boys took part in basketball camps. This week we'll be doing some fun stuff too because I do not have to work this week since my husband will be going on his last trip for basketball for the summer. (Woo-hoo!) Aside from that, work has been really good and I enjoy my 2 days a week away from my little people and everything I am learning as a scribe. My osteopathic school app has been completed, transcripts have been verified, and MCAT scores submitted.
About the MCAT......yea, that. I'm not entirely happy about my score (at all!) but trying to study to retake while all 3 of my kids are home is CRAZY TALK! I'm going to get my supplemental applications (I've received 2 so far, Yay!) completed and get my LORs sent in. I've been dragging my feet a little on the LORs and completing the supplemental applications but at the same time, I've been juggling my little people while my husband works his summer basketball camps. I'm getting there though. Once everything is complete I may just see if I get invited for an interview and then determine whether I want to retake the MCAT. I'm just not up for the stress of retaking it if I really do not have to. My oldest LO is about to start middle school as well and I really think he will need some added support as he transitions. We are also in the midst of trying to figure out what is going on with his health right now so that just adds to everything else. He's had almost weekly doctor's visits since school ended and they still are unsure of what is causing his chronic abdominal pain and headaches. (That's a whole other situation I may do a post about.) I'm really enjoying my kids though and seeing my itty-bitty person grow.
About the MCAT......yea, that. I'm not entirely happy about my score (at all!) but trying to study to retake while all 3 of my kids are home is CRAZY TALK! I'm going to get my supplemental applications (I've received 2 so far, Yay!) completed and get my LORs sent in. I've been dragging my feet a little on the LORs and completing the supplemental applications but at the same time, I've been juggling my little people while my husband works his summer basketball camps. I'm getting there though. Once everything is complete I may just see if I get invited for an interview and then determine whether I want to retake the MCAT. I'm just not up for the stress of retaking it if I really do not have to. My oldest LO is about to start middle school as well and I really think he will need some added support as he transitions. We are also in the midst of trying to figure out what is going on with his health right now so that just adds to everything else. He's had almost weekly doctor's visits since school ended and they still are unsure of what is causing his chronic abdominal pain and headaches. (That's a whole other situation I may do a post about.) I'm really enjoying my kids though and seeing my itty-bitty person grow.
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| My Birthday girl! |
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| All my little people |
Sunday, May 17, 2015
So much to do and so little time!
Soooooo, I will not get my MCAT score until June 16th but 3 weeks after the test I did get my percentile ranking (where I ranked in comparison to the other people who took the MCAT April 17th and 18th). It is meant to help you make a decision about whether or not you want to take the test again. So, yup, I'll be retaking in August. Booooooooo! I can say this though, I now know how to better study for it, I know what to expect when I take it and I will do everything prior to studying that I had wanted to do last time but did not. This week I am going to clean my whole house and organize EVERYTHING. I am going to start working out this week. I am going to get a schedule in order for my little people since this week is their last day of school. For me, being unorganized in my home and life makes my mind unorganized and makes it difficult for me to organize my thoughts. Keeping my family's life organized is what I did while I was in school and it allowed me to get the grades I did but after having my itty bitty person, all of that was thrown out the door. I forgot how I got where I was. That percentile ranking was a wake up call so it's time to get my ass in gear.
Because I took my MCAT early, I also got an Amazon gift card and I used that to buy the Kaplan MCAT books. The other problem I had was that I had so many resources to study from, I was overwhelming myself trying to use all of them. TOO MUCH!!!!! It's still going to be a struggle because I will be studying while my kids are home but my boys are pretty good about taking care of their sister for short amounts of time and they really enjoy it. I also am VERY motivated to not take this again. $300 is no joke and we cannot afford to pay that a 3rd time.
Applications for AACOM (American Association of Colleges of Osteopathic Medicine) opened May 4th and I have started mine. I was fortunate to get a fee waiver but it means that I have to complete it by the 21st (4 more days). I am almost done but I need to get my transcripts from the junior colleges I went to in order to add those classes and I need to add my "Achievements" and "Activities" to my application. In addition, I have to get my LORs in order and sent to a system that allows me to distribute them to the schools as needed. I am excited and nervous at the same time. I am fortunate enough that I will have a strong LOR from the head of the scribe program that I work in but I have not taken my science classes in a few years and did not really have the time when I was taking those classes to "develop relationships" with those professors. I have kids and stuff! Aside from that, I have my personal statement to finish up. So much to do and so little time!
Because I took my MCAT early, I also got an Amazon gift card and I used that to buy the Kaplan MCAT books. The other problem I had was that I had so many resources to study from, I was overwhelming myself trying to use all of them. TOO MUCH!!!!! It's still going to be a struggle because I will be studying while my kids are home but my boys are pretty good about taking care of their sister for short amounts of time and they really enjoy it. I also am VERY motivated to not take this again. $300 is no joke and we cannot afford to pay that a 3rd time.
Applications for AACOM (American Association of Colleges of Osteopathic Medicine) opened May 4th and I have started mine. I was fortunate to get a fee waiver but it means that I have to complete it by the 21st (4 more days). I am almost done but I need to get my transcripts from the junior colleges I went to in order to add those classes and I need to add my "Achievements" and "Activities" to my application. In addition, I have to get my LORs in order and sent to a system that allows me to distribute them to the schools as needed. I am excited and nervous at the same time. I am fortunate enough that I will have a strong LOR from the head of the scribe program that I work in but I have not taken my science classes in a few years and did not really have the time when I was taking those classes to "develop relationships" with those professors. I have kids and stuff! Aside from that, I have my personal statement to finish up. So much to do and so little time!
Monday, April 20, 2015
MCAT: Check!!
MCAT is done! Woo-hoo!!!!!! Do I feel like I did really well? No. Do I feel like I knew a great deal of the information? Not totally. Do I feel like I will have to take it again? Perhaps no. My goal was not to get the highest score on the test, my goal was and is to get a score that does not require me to take that stupid test again. I did not go into the test thinking I was going to ace it, I've been studying while watching my daughter and taking care of my kids; I just know that I do not have the time or resources to take it again. If I absolutely have to then I will cross that bridge when I get to it, but I am at peace with whatever happens. I have to say that I felt good when I took the test, I prayed before starting and I did yoga during my breaks (not full out Ashtanga yoga, that would have been a bit much Lol!) and I felt good. No anxiety, no freak outs. I should probably add that I found out I had pneumonia the Sunday before the test. Yes, I'm for real, I got pneumonia MCAT week. While it sucked, like REALLY sucked, it was a blessing in disguise because I was simply too tired to stress all week and too tired to even force myself to study. I also have to say it was a learning experience because I have never had pneumonia. It will help me be sympathetic to a patient one day because pneumonia is serious business.
So now I'm getting ready for application time. And kind of doing nothing. I plan on working out now (Be gone baby weight!), reading more, watching a lot of nerdy documentaries and, of course, enjoying time with my munchkins and this tall, dark and handsome guy I kind like (and I'm kinda married to). They have all been amazing while I have been crazy the last 4 months so they definitely deserve that from me right now.
On a side note, but interesting: my 10 y.o. has always had a peanut allergy and mild lactose intolerance but about 7 months ago he developed acute lactose intolerance and allergic reactions to about 5 new food items. I took him to the doctor in December and was referred to an allergist. We finally got into the allergist this past week. A week before his appointment he had additionally developed problems with his stomach and was unable to eat anything without having stomach pain, indigestion and heartburn afterwards. My poor little guy was hurting and there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it. It really hurt my heart. Fortunately, the allergist is really amazing. He was knowledgeable and was able to definitively tell me what we needed to do to get him better. He has a morning regimen now with some new medications and we have to completely eliminate dairy from his diet rather than using lactase, but he feels better already and his skin is looking and feeling better (he has eczema too, because they are all connected). I look at every interaction with a physician that I observe or am part of as a learning experience for me. While I hate that my child has to deal with all of this so suddenly, I also am appreciative that we have a network of doctors that knows their s*#$. We are on Medicaid so I was expecting the allergist to not be the best quality (frankly speaking) but I researched the doctor after we saw him and he has been voted as one of Arizona's best the last 2 years. He has an amazing resume and I am just happy that we were blessed enough to have been referred to him. Fingers crossed, my little guy responds well to all of the recommendations the doctor gave and the worst case scenario does not apply (look up eosinophilic esophagitis; um, no thank you).
So now I work on my personal statement, getting some shadowing done with our pediatrician, taking care of myself and taking care of my family. Application opens May 1st, let the countdown begin!!!
So now I'm getting ready for application time. And kind of doing nothing. I plan on working out now (Be gone baby weight!), reading more, watching a lot of nerdy documentaries and, of course, enjoying time with my munchkins and this tall, dark and handsome guy I kind like (and I'm kinda married to). They have all been amazing while I have been crazy the last 4 months so they definitely deserve that from me right now.
On a side note, but interesting: my 10 y.o. has always had a peanut allergy and mild lactose intolerance but about 7 months ago he developed acute lactose intolerance and allergic reactions to about 5 new food items. I took him to the doctor in December and was referred to an allergist. We finally got into the allergist this past week. A week before his appointment he had additionally developed problems with his stomach and was unable to eat anything without having stomach pain, indigestion and heartburn afterwards. My poor little guy was hurting and there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it. It really hurt my heart. Fortunately, the allergist is really amazing. He was knowledgeable and was able to definitively tell me what we needed to do to get him better. He has a morning regimen now with some new medications and we have to completely eliminate dairy from his diet rather than using lactase, but he feels better already and his skin is looking and feeling better (he has eczema too, because they are all connected). I look at every interaction with a physician that I observe or am part of as a learning experience for me. While I hate that my child has to deal with all of this so suddenly, I also am appreciative that we have a network of doctors that knows their s*#$. We are on Medicaid so I was expecting the allergist to not be the best quality (frankly speaking) but I researched the doctor after we saw him and he has been voted as one of Arizona's best the last 2 years. He has an amazing resume and I am just happy that we were blessed enough to have been referred to him. Fingers crossed, my little guy responds well to all of the recommendations the doctor gave and the worst case scenario does not apply (look up eosinophilic esophagitis; um, no thank you).
So now I work on my personal statement, getting some shadowing done with our pediatrician, taking care of myself and taking care of my family. Application opens May 1st, let the countdown begin!!!
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
9 More Days! (But Who's Counting?)
I take the MCAT in 9 days. I do not feel ready to take it but from what I have gathered from the physicians I work with, it's something you never feel prepared to take. The MCAT is tantamount to taking 2 semesters of OChem, Gen Chem, Physics, A&P and Psychology in one semester and your instructors saying, "At the end of the semester you're going to have a comprehensive final with all of your classes combined and it will not only determine your grade for the semester, it will determine your life!" CRAZY!!! I'm going to continue going over the subjects I feel are most pertinent, continue to do lots of practice questions and prepare as best as I possible can, especially mentally.
I'm trying to stay prayerful and not let my mind delve into everything that could happen and go into a negative mind space. I have a Plan B and a Plan C, I am preparing myself for the possibility of retaking it in July if needed or even taking it later in the year if I am not invited for an interview. I am again reminding myself that God has a plan for me and that I have to surrender to Him. It is hard most of the time for me because I am a worrier by nature but I know I have gotten to where I am because I have been able to surrender myself when it was most needed. I have been really lazy about doing yoga since my pregnancy but I think that this is probably the best time to start again (or 2 months ago but whose keeping track) so that I can stop the incessant chatter that so often fills my mind. I have reserved a room for the night before the test so that I can get a full night's sleep since my itty bitty person still wakes up during the night so I'm a little excited about that and I will certainly allow myself to indulge in a glass of wine before going to sleep. While that might seem counterintuitive to a lot of people, I know myself. I would have an anxiety ridden night, waking up intermittently because I would be dreaming about all of these words and processes I've been studying. No thank you! My goal is to take the MCAT with as little anxiety as possible and to just be able to get through the whole 7.5 hours with a clear mind. Ultimately, I do not want to take it again so if I can get a score that does not require me to take it again and get invited to interviews this cycle, I WILL BE ECSTATIC!
*Any luck, prayers or a combination of both that you would like to send my way is much appreciated.*
I'm trying to stay prayerful and not let my mind delve into everything that could happen and go into a negative mind space. I have a Plan B and a Plan C, I am preparing myself for the possibility of retaking it in July if needed or even taking it later in the year if I am not invited for an interview. I am again reminding myself that God has a plan for me and that I have to surrender to Him. It is hard most of the time for me because I am a worrier by nature but I know I have gotten to where I am because I have been able to surrender myself when it was most needed. I have been really lazy about doing yoga since my pregnancy but I think that this is probably the best time to start again (or 2 months ago but whose keeping track) so that I can stop the incessant chatter that so often fills my mind. I have reserved a room for the night before the test so that I can get a full night's sleep since my itty bitty person still wakes up during the night so I'm a little excited about that and I will certainly allow myself to indulge in a glass of wine before going to sleep. While that might seem counterintuitive to a lot of people, I know myself. I would have an anxiety ridden night, waking up intermittently because I would be dreaming about all of these words and processes I've been studying. No thank you! My goal is to take the MCAT with as little anxiety as possible and to just be able to get through the whole 7.5 hours with a clear mind. Ultimately, I do not want to take it again so if I can get a score that does not require me to take it again and get invited to interviews this cycle, I WILL BE ECSTATIC!
*Any luck, prayers or a combination of both that you would like to send my way is much appreciated.*
Monday, March 9, 2015
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
So I had somewhat of an epiphany a week and a half ago after being utterly exhausted after being up entirely too early in the morning with my daughter. I am standing in the way of my own success by creating obstacles and expectations that are completely not realistic. I had this idea in my head that I could and should be doing everything (taking care of my home, taking care of my kids, taking care of myself and preparing for the MCAT) by myself. In my head I not only thought I could do it but that I should be doing it and if I didn't, I was failing. And then, when I didn't meet my own ridiculous expectations, I became overwhelmed and just shut down, not making dinner, not cleaning the house, not studying, just doing (what I consider) the bare minimum of taking care of the kids and of myself. I have done this for 2 months! I've beating myself up because I've been unsuccessful at balancing a million things with my 2 hands. I didn't ask my husband for help, I didn't ask my mother-in-law for help, I didn't ask my dad for help and I didn't tell anyone that I felt like I was drowning. I didn't even realize I was doing it until I was almost delirious with exhaustion after getting 3 hours of sleep one night because my daughter (who is almost 9 months old) decided that waking up at 4:30 in the morning and playing for 3 hours was an amazing idea. Of course it was the night I decided to stay up a late as well. I have been tired for 8 months but that day just brought about the ultimate level of exhaustion. I began to rethink whether taking the MCAT and even applying to medical school this cycle was really what I should be doing. I had to really sit back and reevaluate EVERYTHING.
Sooooooo, what I have decided after talking to my family and asking for some help, I am going to take the next month and REALLY focus on studying so that I can take the April 17th MCAT. I figure even if I don't get the score I want, I will have experienced the environment of taking the exam, I have time to retake it before schools start setting up interviews and, in the case that I am ok with my score, IT WILL BE DONE AND I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THAT DAMN TEST AGAIN! I have a lot of information to cover and thinking that I will do well the first time I'm taking it is pretty unrealistic but crazier things have happened to me; I mean look at what I'm trying to do at the age of 36 with 3 kids. I have to believe that I have been put on this path to complete it.
"If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it."
Sooooooo, what I have decided after talking to my family and asking for some help, I am going to take the next month and REALLY focus on studying so that I can take the April 17th MCAT. I figure even if I don't get the score I want, I will have experienced the environment of taking the exam, I have time to retake it before schools start setting up interviews and, in the case that I am ok with my score, IT WILL BE DONE AND I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THAT DAMN TEST AGAIN! I have a lot of information to cover and thinking that I will do well the first time I'm taking it is pretty unrealistic but crazier things have happened to me; I mean look at what I'm trying to do at the age of 36 with 3 kids. I have to believe that I have been put on this path to complete it.
"If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it."
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
I've Got to Get This Together!
So it's official! I am scheduled to take the MCAT on April 17th! I am super freaked out!!!!!!! I have been struggling with studying consistently and fitting it all in. I took a practice test last week and I was very disappointed with my score. If I got that score on the real MCAT, I would never make it into medical school. Needless to say, I felt very deflated. I had to tell myself, and my husband helped, that I have only been studying for a month and that score is not indicative of what my final test score will be. It was still hard to swallow.
So I've been thinking about everything a lot lately and yesterday I had a "Come to Jesus moment." I did some yoga yesterday and was meditating/praying at the end. It was hard, but I had to allow myself to admit my fears, my anxiety and how little credit I give myself. I have come so far since I started school again 5 years ago. I had 3 goals then:
1. Get my Associates degree (Check!)
2. Get my Bachelor's degree (Check!)
3. Become a doctor (In progress)
I have accomplished 2 of my goals and I have done really well under the circumstances. I was able to juggle my monkeys, school and taking care of myself. This last goal feels so much bigger though. I think part of it is having this new little person who requires so much more of me and part of it is the overwhelming feeling that I can't do it, that it's just too much. But I digress, so realizing all that I have already accomplished and reminding myself that becoming a doctor is not only a choice I have made, it is my calling. I truly believe that God only asks certain people to live a life of service and he has asked that of me. Taking all of that in, I allowed myself to go through my fears, think about what would happen if I do not do well on the MCAT or if I don't get accepted to a medical school, and I let it go (mostly). I also had to remind myself of how I got to where I am now. I just did it! I did not make excuses, I kept myself accountable and I killed it! I have struggled with all of these things since having the baby. I know part of it is having a new baby and being the primary caregiver but part of it is figuring out how to juggle an additional item. I'll have to be creative, I'll have to be purposeful and I'll have to find new avenues to motivate myself. I know I can do it, I just have to figure out the best way for me to get there and be patient with myself. I have to be more prayerful and take everything as it come rather than becoming impatient and frustrated when my plans do not go as planned. I think part of that is also going to be me creating realistic goals in all aspects of my life: academic, family, and health. I can't say that I have it all figured out but I can say that I am working towards that direction.
"I am working for what my heart is saying."
"If it is both terrifying and amazing then you should definitely pursue it." ~ Erada
So I've been thinking about everything a lot lately and yesterday I had a "Come to Jesus moment." I did some yoga yesterday and was meditating/praying at the end. It was hard, but I had to allow myself to admit my fears, my anxiety and how little credit I give myself. I have come so far since I started school again 5 years ago. I had 3 goals then:
1. Get my Associates degree (Check!)
2. Get my Bachelor's degree (Check!)
3. Become a doctor (In progress)
I have accomplished 2 of my goals and I have done really well under the circumstances. I was able to juggle my monkeys, school and taking care of myself. This last goal feels so much bigger though. I think part of it is having this new little person who requires so much more of me and part of it is the overwhelming feeling that I can't do it, that it's just too much. But I digress, so realizing all that I have already accomplished and reminding myself that becoming a doctor is not only a choice I have made, it is my calling. I truly believe that God only asks certain people to live a life of service and he has asked that of me. Taking all of that in, I allowed myself to go through my fears, think about what would happen if I do not do well on the MCAT or if I don't get accepted to a medical school, and I let it go (mostly). I also had to remind myself of how I got to where I am now. I just did it! I did not make excuses, I kept myself accountable and I killed it! I have struggled with all of these things since having the baby. I know part of it is having a new baby and being the primary caregiver but part of it is figuring out how to juggle an additional item. I'll have to be creative, I'll have to be purposeful and I'll have to find new avenues to motivate myself. I know I can do it, I just have to figure out the best way for me to get there and be patient with myself. I have to be more prayerful and take everything as it come rather than becoming impatient and frustrated when my plans do not go as planned. I think part of that is also going to be me creating realistic goals in all aspects of my life: academic, family, and health. I can't say that I have it all figured out but I can say that I am working towards that direction.
"I am working for what my heart is saying."
"If it is both terrifying and amazing then you should definitely pursue it." ~ Erada
Thursday, January 22, 2015
The Struggle Is Real!
Week 3 of MCAT studying and I'm struggling already! I think it's a combination of a few things though.
1) I feel so overwhelmed! I think I am trying to do too much. I have been doing Coursesaver videos AND Examcrackers with Audio Osmosis for all of my subjects. I don't know if that is the best way to go about it. My thought was that I would go through one and the 2nd would solidify the information but instead I got overwhelmed by how "behind" I was getting by not following my schedule because it was so much material to cover. Unfortunately my response to feeling overwhelmed is to occupy myself with other (non-productive) stuff.
2) Studying and taking care of a 7 month old is hard, REALLY hard! Some days she takes a couple of really good naps that allow me to really dive into my studying and other days she takes a series of 20-30 minute naps all day. At 4 I have to pick up my little monkeys from school and then I'm helping with homework and getting dinner ready. I can sometimes get some studying done after dinner but my itty bitty one usually stays awake for a while before going to sleep for the night. By that time, I'm usually almost ready for bed myself. And she still wakes up in the middle of the night. That being said........
3) I'm sleep deprived and I do not function well without sleep. Everyday I tell myself I'm going to go to sleep at an appropriate time, I end up staying up late to spend time with the hubby or waiting for my itty bitty one to wake up for her 1st nightly feeding. At the same time, I'm usually tired by 10 and I can no longer study when I am tired because my brain just stops functioning properly.
Sooooooo, I'm taking a couple of days to re-center myself and reevaluate how I am studying. I know I can do it, I just have to figure out how to do it best for me and my situation and not allow myself to get overwhelmed by the material or consumed by keeping to my schedule. I need to make myself go to sleep at a decent time everyday so I can feel rested in the morning when I wake up. I also need to become more prayerful. Sometimes what you want or how you want to do something isn't what you need. It's time to surrender myself to His will because He will make sure everything gets done when it needs to get done. That's how I got to this point but I seemed to have forgotten that. I got this!
1) I feel so overwhelmed! I think I am trying to do too much. I have been doing Coursesaver videos AND Examcrackers with Audio Osmosis for all of my subjects. I don't know if that is the best way to go about it. My thought was that I would go through one and the 2nd would solidify the information but instead I got overwhelmed by how "behind" I was getting by not following my schedule because it was so much material to cover. Unfortunately my response to feeling overwhelmed is to occupy myself with other (non-productive) stuff.
2) Studying and taking care of a 7 month old is hard, REALLY hard! Some days she takes a couple of really good naps that allow me to really dive into my studying and other days she takes a series of 20-30 minute naps all day. At 4 I have to pick up my little monkeys from school and then I'm helping with homework and getting dinner ready. I can sometimes get some studying done after dinner but my itty bitty one usually stays awake for a while before going to sleep for the night. By that time, I'm usually almost ready for bed myself. And she still wakes up in the middle of the night. That being said........
3) I'm sleep deprived and I do not function well without sleep. Everyday I tell myself I'm going to go to sleep at an appropriate time, I end up staying up late to spend time with the hubby or waiting for my itty bitty one to wake up for her 1st nightly feeding. At the same time, I'm usually tired by 10 and I can no longer study when I am tired because my brain just stops functioning properly.
Sooooooo, I'm taking a couple of days to re-center myself and reevaluate how I am studying. I know I can do it, I just have to figure out how to do it best for me and my situation and not allow myself to get overwhelmed by the material or consumed by keeping to my schedule. I need to make myself go to sleep at a decent time everyday so I can feel rested in the morning when I wake up. I also need to become more prayerful. Sometimes what you want or how you want to do something isn't what you need. It's time to surrender myself to His will because He will make sure everything gets done when it needs to get done. That's how I got to this point but I seemed to have forgotten that. I got this!
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
I'm Baa-aaaack!!!
What an eventful 7 months it has been. My little munchkin made her entrance on the day that my c-section was scheduled June 12, 2014. She wasn't even trying to come early, not even a little. She was 9lbs 10oz of awesomeness though!
While having her has been amazing and I definitely see how different it is parenting a girl considering I have 2 boys, getting back into the swing of things has been really challenging. I found that I was able to move around with her much sooner than I did with my boys, but I have seriously struggled with getting back to where I want to be mentally and physically. As determined as I was to take the MCAT shortly after having her, it was impossible to find the time, energy and focus to study. I was very against taking the 2015 MCAT but I found that it was the only solution for my current life so I will be taking it in April 2015.
I have genuinely enjoyed spending time with my baby girl and my boys but around October I started to go a little stir crazy. The whole stay-at-home thing is really difficult for my personality because I thrive on having time to myself and having an identity outside of "Mommy." I definitely commend those mommies who are able to do that and enjoy it. I started getting emails about scribe positions that were near me and decided to do a search for open positions. The first search result happened to be for 2 hospitals that are very near my home and were looking for people to work 2 shifts a week. My husband has an extremely flexible schedule that would allow me to work one weekday and one weekend day so I decided to apply. I interviewed and got the position. So far, I have loved it! It allows me to be immersed in the medical field on the days that I work but still allows me to be the primary person at home with my little people. It also allows me to continue moving forward, towards my goal of becoming a doctor and gives me motivation to continue on my journey. I will also be able to get some really kick ass references from physicians, specifically from DOs.
January 5th I will begin studying for the April MCAT. For the next couple of weeks I will organizing my house and figuring out how to organize my life so that I can study effectively for the 3.5 months I have to study. My goal is to get a strong score and not have to retake it. I am feeling a little overwhelmed when I consider the MCAT in it's entirety so I find that I have to think about it in pieces and parts, scheduling EVERYTHING I have to study and keeping track of it all. I know I know it will be challenging but I feel like I have the support and the drive to get it done. I'd be lying if I said I'm not a little terrified though. I am very type A when it comes to my studying so I have created a daily checklist for my study days, a set of calendar sheets for January-April that will allow me to schedule entire months, a detailed list of all of the topics covered in the books and videos I have access to and I'm about to create a binder to organize all of those things together. Once I find all of my colored markers, I have my study calendar set and I organize all of my topics in the way that I like, my anxiety level will go from a 10 to a 7, which I can deal with. Lol!
In the meantime, I will enjoy my little people, especially the itty bitty one who I can finally make laugh and I will enjoy the days my husband has off for the holidays. It's about time to start baking and planning the upcoming holiday meals. Happy Holidays friends!
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| She was a few weeks old here |
While having her has been amazing and I definitely see how different it is parenting a girl considering I have 2 boys, getting back into the swing of things has been really challenging. I found that I was able to move around with her much sooner than I did with my boys, but I have seriously struggled with getting back to where I want to be mentally and physically. As determined as I was to take the MCAT shortly after having her, it was impossible to find the time, energy and focus to study. I was very against taking the 2015 MCAT but I found that it was the only solution for my current life so I will be taking it in April 2015.
I have genuinely enjoyed spending time with my baby girl and my boys but around October I started to go a little stir crazy. The whole stay-at-home thing is really difficult for my personality because I thrive on having time to myself and having an identity outside of "Mommy." I definitely commend those mommies who are able to do that and enjoy it. I started getting emails about scribe positions that were near me and decided to do a search for open positions. The first search result happened to be for 2 hospitals that are very near my home and were looking for people to work 2 shifts a week. My husband has an extremely flexible schedule that would allow me to work one weekday and one weekend day so I decided to apply. I interviewed and got the position. So far, I have loved it! It allows me to be immersed in the medical field on the days that I work but still allows me to be the primary person at home with my little people. It also allows me to continue moving forward, towards my goal of becoming a doctor and gives me motivation to continue on my journey. I will also be able to get some really kick ass references from physicians, specifically from DOs.
January 5th I will begin studying for the April MCAT. For the next couple of weeks I will organizing my house and figuring out how to organize my life so that I can study effectively for the 3.5 months I have to study. My goal is to get a strong score and not have to retake it. I am feeling a little overwhelmed when I consider the MCAT in it's entirety so I find that I have to think about it in pieces and parts, scheduling EVERYTHING I have to study and keeping track of it all. I know I know it will be challenging but I feel like I have the support and the drive to get it done. I'd be lying if I said I'm not a little terrified though. I am very type A when it comes to my studying so I have created a daily checklist for my study days, a set of calendar sheets for January-April that will allow me to schedule entire months, a detailed list of all of the topics covered in the books and videos I have access to and I'm about to create a binder to organize all of those things together. Once I find all of my colored markers, I have my study calendar set and I organize all of my topics in the way that I like, my anxiety level will go from a 10 to a 7, which I can deal with. Lol!
In the meantime, I will enjoy my little people, especially the itty bitty one who I can finally make laugh and I will enjoy the days my husband has off for the holidays. It's about time to start baking and planning the upcoming holiday meals. Happy Holidays friends!
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| My 3 monkeys! |
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| My itty bitty person |
Saturday, May 24, 2014
So Much Completed and So Much More to Go But First an Intermission
Where has the time gone?! I have been super lazy about updating my blog. I suppose pregnancy will do that to you. Since March life has been tired and busy and really tired. So I had 2 major things to complete in order to graduate. The first one being my honors thesis project. I had created the nutrition curriculum for the research project I had been working on for 2 years and it was implemented by another person in a 10 week efficacy trial. I feel like it was pretty successful and both my director and 2nd reader were happy with the curriculum and the results following the conclusion of the trial. So much so, that they want to continue using my curriculum when the trial is expanded and my second reader, who is a nutrition professor, said she may consider using it in other projects she is working on. Yay me! I was really excited about this because it is a project that really came from my heart and that I am very passionate about and I plan to continue to develop and grow it into something that other parents can use. I'm hoping to eventually create a website and a YouTube channel for the curriculum and include some additional data that I have found to educate parents so that they are able to educate their children.
The other project that I had to complete in order to graduate was the completion of my internship at A.T. Still University in the virtual anatomy lab. I had really hoped to maximize the "free-time" I had to really focus on completing my research but with the difficulty of this pregnancy, I found that to be really difficult. With my 2 previous pregnancies I worked until at least a week before giving birth and I did not have any physical or mental issues that kept me from working. THIS TIME, I was constantly feeling as though my brain could not function properly. I couldn't remember anything, my normal school schedule, in terms of studying and organizing my work, was completely thrown out the window and after a certain time of day, FORGET ABOUT IT!, my brain ceased to work in any type of coherent manner. But I digress, having said all of that, I found it incredibly difficult to focus on the research I had to complete for that research project and was a total slacker. I completed all of the necessary projects for the class portion of the course but I really feel like I let the site supervisor I was working with down. I also feel like I might have blown a really great opportunity to prove myself at an institution that I want so badly to attend. He was really understanding about my pregnancy, but I felt like I was making excuses. My only saving grace with this is that he has agreed to allow me to continue working on this project going forward, even as long as an additional year. The research really is something I am really interested in (How cadaveric dissection in medical schools may be impacting the number of Native Americans applying to medical school and how it can be and has been dealt with currently at medical schools; also how virtual anatomy may play a part in increasing the number of Native American applicants by decreasing cadaver contact) and the potential to be published is pretty great because there is no current literature that addresses this particular topic, that I have found anyway. I'm going to leave it to God and hope that my site supervisor (who is a doctor I could get a letter of recommendation from!) is still willing to work with me once my brain begins to work appropriately, assuming that happens after new baby exhaustion. Lol! Let go and let God, right?
With those two things complete, I was able to breath a sigh of relief and my only other concern was my last nutrition class which I did enjoy. I am very proud to say that I completed my degree graduating with honors and magna cum laude (3.68 GPA). One of the proudest days of my life. It took me 4.5 years to get here but I have been able to check off 2 of my goals, getting my A.A. and getting my B.S. and I did both spectacularly.
I have made the decision to postpone my medical school application until next year for 2 reasons: 1) there is no way my brain would be able to put together the personal statement and subsequent essays necessary in order to make myself a strong candidate; nor would I have the letter I really want from the doctor I have been working with 2) there is NO WAY I would be able to take the MCAT by August and get a decent score so that I might be invited for an interview this fall. What this means is instead of 1 mommy year, I'll get 2 mommy years. In reality, I think this is much better for me and for my family. I think that it is important to allow your brain to run free for a while so as to not overload myself and get back to doing the things that make me happy with out the stress of expectations. Also, I think that I owe it to my little people to spend some time focusing only on them, especially this new little munchkin that will be coming (hopefully VERY soon). Most of all, I think my super awesome husband especially deserves the opportunity to explore what he wants for the next 2 years. He is making major life changes as well and as supportive as he has been for me and my goals/dreams, I know he needs that time as well. He is transitioning into becoming a basketball coach and coaching is a time consuming profession. It requires long hours that do not necessarily pay in terms of currency but allow for networking and producing results by seeing kids grow in skill, maturity and knowledge, about basketball and life. In order to be able to do what he needs to do and be prepared for the time when I have to put my full focus on medical school, I know he needs to be able to do what he needs to do now and put in the time so that it is easier for our family in the long run, wherever we end up due to my schooling. It is going to be challenging, it is going to be hard because I am not the SAHM type but most of all I know it will be fun to be able to engage at my boys' school, to spend time with my little girl and to be at everyone of my husband's functions. No matter what, family comes before all else.
I have so many things I want to do for myself over the next 2 years as well. Aside from the research and development of my nutrition education, I also plan on keeping myself well-read, getting into better shape than I was before I got pregnant (possibly even playing basketball again; I was a collegiate basketball player BTW and I am definitely seeing a half marathon and marathon in my future) and starting a new blog about my life, an autobiography of sorts. The last thing, in particular, is something I have always wanted to do. I have lived an interesting and eventful life that I have always felt may resonate with others if not for the experiences, for the way in which I allowed myself to grow from my experiences. I'll be taking time off from blogging for a while as I wait for my newest bundle of joy to make her grand entrance but never fear, as soon as studying for the MCAT begins, hopefully in August, I'LL BE BACK!!!
The other project that I had to complete in order to graduate was the completion of my internship at A.T. Still University in the virtual anatomy lab. I had really hoped to maximize the "free-time" I had to really focus on completing my research but with the difficulty of this pregnancy, I found that to be really difficult. With my 2 previous pregnancies I worked until at least a week before giving birth and I did not have any physical or mental issues that kept me from working. THIS TIME, I was constantly feeling as though my brain could not function properly. I couldn't remember anything, my normal school schedule, in terms of studying and organizing my work, was completely thrown out the window and after a certain time of day, FORGET ABOUT IT!, my brain ceased to work in any type of coherent manner. But I digress, having said all of that, I found it incredibly difficult to focus on the research I had to complete for that research project and was a total slacker. I completed all of the necessary projects for the class portion of the course but I really feel like I let the site supervisor I was working with down. I also feel like I might have blown a really great opportunity to prove myself at an institution that I want so badly to attend. He was really understanding about my pregnancy, but I felt like I was making excuses. My only saving grace with this is that he has agreed to allow me to continue working on this project going forward, even as long as an additional year. The research really is something I am really interested in (How cadaveric dissection in medical schools may be impacting the number of Native Americans applying to medical school and how it can be and has been dealt with currently at medical schools; also how virtual anatomy may play a part in increasing the number of Native American applicants by decreasing cadaver contact) and the potential to be published is pretty great because there is no current literature that addresses this particular topic, that I have found anyway. I'm going to leave it to God and hope that my site supervisor (who is a doctor I could get a letter of recommendation from!) is still willing to work with me once my brain begins to work appropriately, assuming that happens after new baby exhaustion. Lol! Let go and let God, right?
With those two things complete, I was able to breath a sigh of relief and my only other concern was my last nutrition class which I did enjoy. I am very proud to say that I completed my degree graduating with honors and magna cum laude (3.68 GPA). One of the proudest days of my life. It took me 4.5 years to get here but I have been able to check off 2 of my goals, getting my A.A. and getting my B.S. and I did both spectacularly.
I have made the decision to postpone my medical school application until next year for 2 reasons: 1) there is no way my brain would be able to put together the personal statement and subsequent essays necessary in order to make myself a strong candidate; nor would I have the letter I really want from the doctor I have been working with 2) there is NO WAY I would be able to take the MCAT by August and get a decent score so that I might be invited for an interview this fall. What this means is instead of 1 mommy year, I'll get 2 mommy years. In reality, I think this is much better for me and for my family. I think that it is important to allow your brain to run free for a while so as to not overload myself and get back to doing the things that make me happy with out the stress of expectations. Also, I think that I owe it to my little people to spend some time focusing only on them, especially this new little munchkin that will be coming (hopefully VERY soon). Most of all, I think my super awesome husband especially deserves the opportunity to explore what he wants for the next 2 years. He is making major life changes as well and as supportive as he has been for me and my goals/dreams, I know he needs that time as well. He is transitioning into becoming a basketball coach and coaching is a time consuming profession. It requires long hours that do not necessarily pay in terms of currency but allow for networking and producing results by seeing kids grow in skill, maturity and knowledge, about basketball and life. In order to be able to do what he needs to do and be prepared for the time when I have to put my full focus on medical school, I know he needs to be able to do what he needs to do now and put in the time so that it is easier for our family in the long run, wherever we end up due to my schooling. It is going to be challenging, it is going to be hard because I am not the SAHM type but most of all I know it will be fun to be able to engage at my boys' school, to spend time with my little girl and to be at everyone of my husband's functions. No matter what, family comes before all else.
I have so many things I want to do for myself over the next 2 years as well. Aside from the research and development of my nutrition education, I also plan on keeping myself well-read, getting into better shape than I was before I got pregnant (possibly even playing basketball again; I was a collegiate basketball player BTW and I am definitely seeing a half marathon and marathon in my future) and starting a new blog about my life, an autobiography of sorts. The last thing, in particular, is something I have always wanted to do. I have lived an interesting and eventful life that I have always felt may resonate with others if not for the experiences, for the way in which I allowed myself to grow from my experiences. I'll be taking time off from blogging for a while as I wait for my newest bundle of joy to make her grand entrance but never fear, as soon as studying for the MCAT begins, hopefully in August, I'LL BE BACK!!!
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming....
64 days until graduation!!! (Yes, I am counting down.) I have so much going on right now, but I just keep telling myself I'm almost there. So school wise, I am working on my thesis project and am in the process of writing my literature review right now. I have to defend my thesis in order to graduate with honors and I am planning on doing that in the second week of April. Once that is complete my only worries will be to continue to support the person within the research project that is implementing my nutrition curriculum, continuing to work on my internship research and taking my last nutrition class. My internship is going well but I am definitely struggling with motivating myself to do the work on a day to day basis. I have to complete a certain number of hours over the semester and I am not nearly close enough to completion yet so I have work to do. I completed my half semester online class last week which is a relief, one less thing to worry about. I have work to put in the next few weeks but I GOT THIS!!
I am now 25, almost 26 weeks, along in my pregnancy now and our daughter is getting big. (Yes, we're having a girl!!) My last ultrasound at 18 weeks showed that she measured 12 days larger than gestational age. It does not sound like a whole lot, but anything over 10 days is considered significant. Following my next appointment I will be getting another ultrasound to see if she still measures that large and if she does, my doctor may actually change my due date. It is not something that OBGYN's like to do but she does not want to risk me going into labor since I have already had 2 c-sections and hard labor could put me at risk for uterine rupture. I can't lie, I'm kind of ok with having her early for 2 reasons. 1) I am already rather large and I will only be getting larger at a much more rapid pace than I already have been so I will want the baby out ASAP by then. 2) My husband has 3 straight weeks of basketball camps in June beginning on the week I am due. I'm ok with the basketball camps because I know how important they are for the future because the allow him to network with other coaches but that means I need our little girl to come early enough so that he is home for a little while before being gone. I'm crossing my fingers for the last week of May or the 1st week of June.
So the past 2 days I attended a pre-med conference held by two local medical schools (both of which I'm going to apply to) and I am so glad that I made the decision to attend. I was able to meet representatives from both schools and from an additional school I am considering as well as getting more information abut the application cycle for this year and the whole process. I was able to talk to some current students and I will hopefully be connected to other Mommy Doctors who are currently in school. I am really wanting to find out how they juggle everything and still find time for their little people. Being able to ask questions, being in the environment of those 2 schools and seeing people who are doing it has really lit a fire in me and made me excited about the next step of becoming a doctor. Am I still nervous? Yes! Is it going to be super hard? Yes! Am I still scared? Hell yes!! But I know I can do it and it is still what my heart wants and where my path is leading me to.
I am now 25, almost 26 weeks, along in my pregnancy now and our daughter is getting big. (Yes, we're having a girl!!) My last ultrasound at 18 weeks showed that she measured 12 days larger than gestational age. It does not sound like a whole lot, but anything over 10 days is considered significant. Following my next appointment I will be getting another ultrasound to see if she still measures that large and if she does, my doctor may actually change my due date. It is not something that OBGYN's like to do but she does not want to risk me going into labor since I have already had 2 c-sections and hard labor could put me at risk for uterine rupture. I can't lie, I'm kind of ok with having her early for 2 reasons. 1) I am already rather large and I will only be getting larger at a much more rapid pace than I already have been so I will want the baby out ASAP by then. 2) My husband has 3 straight weeks of basketball camps in June beginning on the week I am due. I'm ok with the basketball camps because I know how important they are for the future because the allow him to network with other coaches but that means I need our little girl to come early enough so that he is home for a little while before being gone. I'm crossing my fingers for the last week of May or the 1st week of June.
So the past 2 days I attended a pre-med conference held by two local medical schools (both of which I'm going to apply to) and I am so glad that I made the decision to attend. I was able to meet representatives from both schools and from an additional school I am considering as well as getting more information abut the application cycle for this year and the whole process. I was able to talk to some current students and I will hopefully be connected to other Mommy Doctors who are currently in school. I am really wanting to find out how they juggle everything and still find time for their little people. Being able to ask questions, being in the environment of those 2 schools and seeing people who are doing it has really lit a fire in me and made me excited about the next step of becoming a doctor. Am I still nervous? Yes! Is it going to be super hard? Yes! Am I still scared? Hell yes!! But I know I can do it and it is still what my heart wants and where my path is leading me to.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
"Happiness is not a limited resource." ~ Chris Aiff
So I am an official A.T. Still intern! Yes indeed! I actually think that this will be an exceptional experience that I will really enjoy and get to learn a great deal from. I will be essentially conducting research that concerns the new virtual anatomy lab that they have created on their campus. They have some really phenomenal software that allows for 3D imaging to teach the students. The anatomy director is trying to change the way that anatomy is taught in medical school and the research that his interns are doing will help to prove or disprove that this new way of thinking and teaching can be beneficial for medical students. I have a lot of ideas about what I want my capstone project to be so I have a lot to think about in the next few weeks.
I have also become an employee for the first time in a while. I am a student-worker in the honors office and it is a work-study position which allows for a great deal of flexibility, something I definitely need with my schedule and current condition. Being an honors student, I already had a really good relationship with the employees in the office so it's a lot of fun working with them and making a little money for the new little person coming in June. School ended on a really good note and I was able to escape this 19 credit semester with a 3.89 GPA (5 A's and 1 B+). I WILL TAKE IT! While the ultimate goal was all A's, I think I did pretty well considering my course load and my (somewhat) unexpected pregnancy. The spring semester will be interesting since I have a relatively light course load (13 credits) and only 1 in-person class. Along with that, I'll continue working on my honors thesis project and on my internship. I have one online class that is the first half of the semester and a 1 credit honors class that takes us to different museums and performances near campus. I think the hardest part of the semester will be keeping myself on task because a lot of what I have to do is completely self-directed. I really struggle with that at times because I allow myself to be easily distracted. The semester will definitely challenge me in a different way then most have in the past.
My pregnancy has been going pretty well. I am now about 14 weeks and my ever changing body is doing just that, changing on what seems like a daily basis. My youngest is 6 but it seems like that pregnancy was forever-ago and this is nothing like that one or my first. Perhaps it is because I am older (35) or perhaps it is because this is a girl? (YES!!, hopefully.) Who knows, but this is an entirely different experience that I do not always like but definitely love it. I suppose that is the story of my life though, I haven't like all of it but I wouldn't change it for the world because I love the person I am now and the person I am growing to be.
"Happiness is not a limited resource." ~ Chris Aiff
I have also become an employee for the first time in a while. I am a student-worker in the honors office and it is a work-study position which allows for a great deal of flexibility, something I definitely need with my schedule and current condition. Being an honors student, I already had a really good relationship with the employees in the office so it's a lot of fun working with them and making a little money for the new little person coming in June. School ended on a really good note and I was able to escape this 19 credit semester with a 3.89 GPA (5 A's and 1 B+). I WILL TAKE IT! While the ultimate goal was all A's, I think I did pretty well considering my course load and my (somewhat) unexpected pregnancy. The spring semester will be interesting since I have a relatively light course load (13 credits) and only 1 in-person class. Along with that, I'll continue working on my honors thesis project and on my internship. I have one online class that is the first half of the semester and a 1 credit honors class that takes us to different museums and performances near campus. I think the hardest part of the semester will be keeping myself on task because a lot of what I have to do is completely self-directed. I really struggle with that at times because I allow myself to be easily distracted. The semester will definitely challenge me in a different way then most have in the past.
My pregnancy has been going pretty well. I am now about 14 weeks and my ever changing body is doing just that, changing on what seems like a daily basis. My youngest is 6 but it seems like that pregnancy was forever-ago and this is nothing like that one or my first. Perhaps it is because I am older (35) or perhaps it is because this is a girl? (YES!!, hopefully.) Who knows, but this is an entirely different experience that I do not always like but definitely love it. I suppose that is the story of my life though, I haven't like all of it but I wouldn't change it for the world because I love the person I am now and the person I am growing to be.
"Happiness is not a limited resource." ~ Chris Aiff
Friday, November 8, 2013
"Don't Be Afraid to Give Up the Good and Go For the Great."
What a difference a month makes. Sooooooo, I had been really interested in pursuing my master's in nutrition next year since I am taking a year off before starting osteopathic school. I tried to make an appointment to talk to someone in the graduate program to find out if it was truly doable in one year but before I was able to sit down with someone I got some (mildly) unexpected news. I am pregnant. Yep, I said it, I am pregnant with my 3rd child. We have always said that we wanted another child after our youngest was born, 6 years ago, but it just didn't seem like we could figure out when the right time would be for us to have one. We made the decision to roll the dice and see what God had in store and apparently He felt like this was the right time for us to add to our family. This truly is the best time and our family is really excited about the coming baby. I am due in June which is perfect timing because my husband and I will both be graduating in May, me with my Bachelors' and him with his Associates'. Fingers crossed, we will have a girl. I love my boys but I think we have enough testosterone in our house. ;-) My mother-in-law REALLY wants us to have a girl. She has 7 grandchildren and only 1 girl. The most interesting part of this has been coping with how I am feeling and still getting all of my work done. Pregnancy brain and pregnancy exhaustion have been winning out in many situations but I am still managing to maintain 5 A's and 2 B's. I can say that I am ready for this semester to be over though. I am looking forward to a 13 credit semester and only 1 in person class.
So aside from my classes, I am also in the process of searching for an internship for next semester. I am really hoping to get an internship I just applied for at the School of Osteopathic Medicine in Arizona in their virtual anatomy lab. I think it could be an awesome opportunity to make connections and get my name out there. For my major, I am required to complete an internship in order to graduate. I think it is a really great part of the degree plan as well because many students, myself included, find it difficult to participate in activities outside of school that help us get experience in the field we are interested in. I am praying that I get to do the internships I am most interested in but I am leaving it in God's hands.
With all of this craziness that has been my life the last month, I had started doubting whether or not osteopathic school was the best thing for me to do for my family. I started thinking that committing that much time to school would make me a bad mom, especially for the new baby. I really started thinking that maybe I should become a PA because the schooling takes less time and there wouldn't be the need for a residency or fellowship. I really tried to convince myself that it would be best for my family. I brought up the topic with my husband, expecting him to be completely supportive and I was surprised when he said, "But is that what you really want? Are you going to be happy if you do that instead of medical school? You have done all of this work to get to medical school and if you are going to change your mind you need to make sure it's what you really want. Time with the kids should not be the reason you change your mind. You will always make time for them and they will be alright." (not exact quotes, but you get the idea) TOTALLY NOT WHAT I EXPECTED! I told him that I was still thinking about it but his strong reaction really made me think. A couple of days later I saw a quote from Steve Prefontaine, "Don't be afraid to give up the good and go for the great." It really made me think about what it was I wanted from my life, what it was my heart really wanted. The more I looked into what a PA can and cannot do, I really started to question the idea. I prayed about it and really tried to listen to my heart and what I decided was this: I could be a really good PA and like my job, or I could give that up and be a really great osteopath and truly love my career, my life's calling. This is why I married the man that I married, he knows my heart.
So aside from my classes, I am also in the process of searching for an internship for next semester. I am really hoping to get an internship I just applied for at the School of Osteopathic Medicine in Arizona in their virtual anatomy lab. I think it could be an awesome opportunity to make connections and get my name out there. For my major, I am required to complete an internship in order to graduate. I think it is a really great part of the degree plan as well because many students, myself included, find it difficult to participate in activities outside of school that help us get experience in the field we are interested in. I am praying that I get to do the internships I am most interested in but I am leaving it in God's hands.
With all of this craziness that has been my life the last month, I had started doubting whether or not osteopathic school was the best thing for me to do for my family. I started thinking that committing that much time to school would make me a bad mom, especially for the new baby. I really started thinking that maybe I should become a PA because the schooling takes less time and there wouldn't be the need for a residency or fellowship. I really tried to convince myself that it would be best for my family. I brought up the topic with my husband, expecting him to be completely supportive and I was surprised when he said, "But is that what you really want? Are you going to be happy if you do that instead of medical school? You have done all of this work to get to medical school and if you are going to change your mind you need to make sure it's what you really want. Time with the kids should not be the reason you change your mind. You will always make time for them and they will be alright." (not exact quotes, but you get the idea) TOTALLY NOT WHAT I EXPECTED! I told him that I was still thinking about it but his strong reaction really made me think. A couple of days later I saw a quote from Steve Prefontaine, "Don't be afraid to give up the good and go for the great." It really made me think about what it was I wanted from my life, what it was my heart really wanted. The more I looked into what a PA can and cannot do, I really started to question the idea. I prayed about it and really tried to listen to my heart and what I decided was this: I could be a really good PA and like my job, or I could give that up and be a really great osteopath and truly love my career, my life's calling. This is why I married the man that I married, he knows my heart.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Always A Work In Progress
This semester already seems like it is flying by and I have soooo much to get done. I feel like my classes are going well and that I have been able to retain the information really well. My Introduction to Planning Therapeutic Diets class feels like it will prepare me for what I will be facing in clinical settings when I have to work with a team of health professionals who are all trying treat a patient. In my opinion, it should be a required course for pre-med students. My Sports Nutrition class is pretty cool just because it is of personal interest to me. I wish that I had known some of this information when I played basketball, I could have taken so much better care of myself. It does help me look at what I feed my 8 year-old in a different way though because he is an athlete and will likely continue to be one through adulthood. Biochemistry is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. She takes her time explaining processes and allows us to do activities that really help us learn the information. I suppose it shows that I actually did keep some gen chem and biology information in my brain. Sometimes it just seems like it all falls out at the end of semester. My Cultural Aspects of Food is pretty interesting as well. It's online which is nice but at the same time, it makes the work more tedious. The class I TA is pretty awesome. It was one of my favorite classes and I actually enjoy reviewing the information and seeing how it resonates in others. My honors thesis is a whole other story.
I have been having the hardest time motivating myself to work on my thesis. So, to explain, I am in the honors college and in order to graduate with honors I need to complete a creative/thesis project. It is similar to a masters' thesis but not as regimented and scientific. We are able to choose any subject that interests us and that we can actually research. I have been working on an obesity prevention program for the last year and a half. I initially decided to become involved because I was interested in the nutrition education portion of the program. We have completed a 6 week pilot of the program and will be expanding to a 12 week program in the spring. The professor who is the head of this program wanted to try a different way of presenting the nutrition education (that I did not like) but it proved to be ineffective. My thesis project is to create the nutrition education for the children but at the same time I want it to be transferable to other settings, not just this program. It is an ambitious project and I essentially have to have the curriculum completed by January, when the program starts. Normally we have a semester and a half to work on our thesis. It sounds like a lot of time but there is a great deal of research and planning that I have to do. Along with the curriculum, I also have to write a proposal that details the statistics that demonstrate a need for a program like the one I am creating. IT'S A LOT!!! I think that is why I have not started actually. I am overwhelming myself with the bigness of the project rather than focusing on the small pieces I have to start with. One piece at a time right?
So aside from school, I have been trying to get myself back into the swing of running and doing yoga on a regular basis. I found that when I wasn't physically active, I felt like garbage and I wasn't motivated to do ANYTHING. It has been really hard waking up at 5:30am everyday but when I run or do yoga in the morning, my entire day is so much better and I feel more motivated to focus on my schoolwork.
I am a work in progress; I am in the progress of working on it. :-)
I have been having the hardest time motivating myself to work on my thesis. So, to explain, I am in the honors college and in order to graduate with honors I need to complete a creative/thesis project. It is similar to a masters' thesis but not as regimented and scientific. We are able to choose any subject that interests us and that we can actually research. I have been working on an obesity prevention program for the last year and a half. I initially decided to become involved because I was interested in the nutrition education portion of the program. We have completed a 6 week pilot of the program and will be expanding to a 12 week program in the spring. The professor who is the head of this program wanted to try a different way of presenting the nutrition education (that I did not like) but it proved to be ineffective. My thesis project is to create the nutrition education for the children but at the same time I want it to be transferable to other settings, not just this program. It is an ambitious project and I essentially have to have the curriculum completed by January, when the program starts. Normally we have a semester and a half to work on our thesis. It sounds like a lot of time but there is a great deal of research and planning that I have to do. Along with the curriculum, I also have to write a proposal that details the statistics that demonstrate a need for a program like the one I am creating. IT'S A LOT!!! I think that is why I have not started actually. I am overwhelming myself with the bigness of the project rather than focusing on the small pieces I have to start with. One piece at a time right?
So aside from school, I have been trying to get myself back into the swing of running and doing yoga on a regular basis. I found that when I wasn't physically active, I felt like garbage and I wasn't motivated to do ANYTHING. It has been really hard waking up at 5:30am everyday but when I run or do yoga in the morning, my entire day is so much better and I feel more motivated to focus on my schoolwork.
I am a work in progress; I am in the progress of working on it. :-)
Monday, August 26, 2013
And.......I'm back.
This the is the beginning of my first full week back at school. I am starting my LAST senior year and I will be graduating in May. Finally. This summer I decided to take a break from all things school (including my blog) and spend time with my little people. I even allowed myself to be lazy and sleep in most days. This was the first summer since I started school again that I did not take summer school. IT WAS AMAZING! I had been feeling so burnt out last semester and I think that a break was what I needed. I think my kids really appreciated it as well. We did silly things. We hula hooped, danced, had popcorn for dinner, and made it important to spend time together. It made my heart happy.
This semester is going to be a full one for me. I am enrolled in 19 hours: biochemistry, sports nutrition, cultural aspects of food, intro to planning therapeutic diets, my honors thesis and I am a teacher's assistant for a food, health and sustainability class. My actual classes will be interesting and I am excited about my nutrition classes but biochemistry is going to be challenging. I have a lot of resources for that class though so my goal is to make it through with an A. My TA position will be awesome because that was a class I truly enjoyed and I like the professor I am working with a lot. My thesis is a whole different animal. The last year and a half I have been working on developing curriculum for my research project with a group. The research project is an obesity prevention program for children. There is a physical activity portion and a nutrition portion. We have already completed the 6 week pilot program that dealt with the efficacy of the program in order to determine if a longer, 12 week program will be beneficial. It has been challenging and fun at the same time. I was actually going to leave the program and develop a thesis that was English based because I was becoming frustrated with my role because I did not become involved so that I could develop exercise curriculum. My goal from the beginning was to be focused on the nutrition education because that is where my passion lies. After the pilot program it became evident that the nutrition education I had provided for the program was effective and that it needed to be developed further as a separate component from the physical activity curriculum. (I had already talked to the professor who is conducting the research that we should do this but he had other ideas, UNTIL we actually did the pilot and he saw it was necessary. Needless to say I wanted to say "Told you so" but I behaved myself and just suggested that we do what I had already suggested without being snotty about it.) So I am back to where I started. My thesis project is to develop the nutrition education for the program and to make it something that can be transferable to other settings. I want to teach people (parents, teachers, etc.) how to deliver the program to children and give them the resources and knowledge to allow them to do that. I am really excited about it but scared at the same time. It is a lot of work and it will require a great deal of time but it is truly what I feel passionate about so I think I will enjoy the experience overall.
For my thesis project I have a director and a 2nd reader that are required and I already have them in place. My second reader is a nutrition professor and she suggested to me that I get my Master's since I am taking a year "off" between getting my undergraduate degree and starting osteopathic school (hopefully) and use my honors thesis as a basis for my Master's thesis. She said I could test the efficacy of the curriculum I develop to see if it truly teaches children about what is nutritious for their bodies. I am considering it but there are 2 things that really make me hesitant to embark on this. The first thing is the cost. I already owe a fairly large amount of money for my student loans and that amount is only going to increase exponentially once I get to osteopathic school. Adding loans for a Master's degree only make that load heavier. It is possible to get the program paid for but I would have to be get a teaching assistantship (YES!) or a research assistantship (YUK!) at ASU and everything would be paid for plus I would make money. The second thing is time. I wanted to take this next year off to spend more time with the boys because I know that osteopathic school will monopolize my time and I wanted to really spend some quality time with them before I embarked on that 4 year journey. In getting my Master's in 1 year, I would have to take 15 hours each semester, I would have to teach along with everything that comes with that (grading, dealing with student issues, planning lessons, etc.), and conduct my research. On top of that, some of the classes I would have to take are sections that are only taught at night. Decisions, decisions. It would be beneficial because I plan on integrating nutrition into my practice as a physician and this would give me credibility. I suppose I will continue to pray about it and see what and who God places in front of me. I am going to prepare for and apply to graduate school to keep my options open. One more thing to do.
So along with all of this, I am definitely taking the MCAT next year and applying to schools. I put it off for a year because my brain could not deal with it but now I HAVE TO! This is another thing that I am excited about and scared of at the same time. I feel like my life is full of these conundrums.
This semester is going to be a full one for me. I am enrolled in 19 hours: biochemistry, sports nutrition, cultural aspects of food, intro to planning therapeutic diets, my honors thesis and I am a teacher's assistant for a food, health and sustainability class. My actual classes will be interesting and I am excited about my nutrition classes but biochemistry is going to be challenging. I have a lot of resources for that class though so my goal is to make it through with an A. My TA position will be awesome because that was a class I truly enjoyed and I like the professor I am working with a lot. My thesis is a whole different animal. The last year and a half I have been working on developing curriculum for my research project with a group. The research project is an obesity prevention program for children. There is a physical activity portion and a nutrition portion. We have already completed the 6 week pilot program that dealt with the efficacy of the program in order to determine if a longer, 12 week program will be beneficial. It has been challenging and fun at the same time. I was actually going to leave the program and develop a thesis that was English based because I was becoming frustrated with my role because I did not become involved so that I could develop exercise curriculum. My goal from the beginning was to be focused on the nutrition education because that is where my passion lies. After the pilot program it became evident that the nutrition education I had provided for the program was effective and that it needed to be developed further as a separate component from the physical activity curriculum. (I had already talked to the professor who is conducting the research that we should do this but he had other ideas, UNTIL we actually did the pilot and he saw it was necessary. Needless to say I wanted to say "Told you so" but I behaved myself and just suggested that we do what I had already suggested without being snotty about it.) So I am back to where I started. My thesis project is to develop the nutrition education for the program and to make it something that can be transferable to other settings. I want to teach people (parents, teachers, etc.) how to deliver the program to children and give them the resources and knowledge to allow them to do that. I am really excited about it but scared at the same time. It is a lot of work and it will require a great deal of time but it is truly what I feel passionate about so I think I will enjoy the experience overall.
For my thesis project I have a director and a 2nd reader that are required and I already have them in place. My second reader is a nutrition professor and she suggested to me that I get my Master's since I am taking a year "off" between getting my undergraduate degree and starting osteopathic school (hopefully) and use my honors thesis as a basis for my Master's thesis. She said I could test the efficacy of the curriculum I develop to see if it truly teaches children about what is nutritious for their bodies. I am considering it but there are 2 things that really make me hesitant to embark on this. The first thing is the cost. I already owe a fairly large amount of money for my student loans and that amount is only going to increase exponentially once I get to osteopathic school. Adding loans for a Master's degree only make that load heavier. It is possible to get the program paid for but I would have to be get a teaching assistantship (YES!) or a research assistantship (YUK!) at ASU and everything would be paid for plus I would make money. The second thing is time. I wanted to take this next year off to spend more time with the boys because I know that osteopathic school will monopolize my time and I wanted to really spend some quality time with them before I embarked on that 4 year journey. In getting my Master's in 1 year, I would have to take 15 hours each semester, I would have to teach along with everything that comes with that (grading, dealing with student issues, planning lessons, etc.), and conduct my research. On top of that, some of the classes I would have to take are sections that are only taught at night. Decisions, decisions. It would be beneficial because I plan on integrating nutrition into my practice as a physician and this would give me credibility. I suppose I will continue to pray about it and see what and who God places in front of me. I am going to prepare for and apply to graduate school to keep my options open. One more thing to do.
So along with all of this, I am definitely taking the MCAT next year and applying to schools. I put it off for a year because my brain could not deal with it but now I HAVE TO! This is another thing that I am excited about and scared of at the same time. I feel like my life is full of these conundrums.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Things That Stress Me Out (Part I)
It has been a while hasn't it? I feel like this semester has been busy, unproductive, unorganized and so tiring, but at the same time it has been productive in so many other ways and there have been aspects that have made me delve deeper into my own thoughts and actions. I have been struggling all semester to stay motivated in everything I do, from schoolwork to running and yoga and I have felt like I have been losing the battle most days. Up until this point, I have been able to stay focused, maintain my grades and do all of my mommy/wife duties. It has just felt like it takes so much more effort recently. Compared to my past semesters, this one was supposed to be relatively easy because I only have one major science class (genetics), not to say it would not require any effort but not nearly as much as my 2 science semesters took. I feel like I may just be experiencing a burnout. Had I not chosen to take 3 years to complete my degree, I would be graduating in a month, but I decided to take my time a little and not stress myself out even more than I have been stressed out. I definitely feel that was the best choice for me and allowed me to pick up a minor that I love (nutrition) and complete my honors thesis in the way that I want to complete it, but at the same time I think my brain is ready to take a break. I haven't really taken a break since I started because I have taken summer school every summer as well and that trend will continue this summer as well along with studying for the MCAT in July. All I can say is it has been a struggle and I am still trying to work through it. I have tried to be more prayerful and I have been working to be consistent with my yoga as a way to clear my mind and find more focus but my grades still seem to be suffering slightly. Now my idea of struggling is not everybody's idea of struggling with grades but I am trying to stay where I need to be competitive for osteopathic school. I will get A's in both of my nutrition classes and probably my physics lab but I will probably get a B in my health sciences class and I will likely get a B in genetics. I realize that this is not horrible, but it is not what I expected from myself and it is not what I need to get where I want to go. I have 3.5 weeks to stay focused and do what I need to do. I got this! (Prayers and positive energy are welcome though.)
Earlier this year I also had a "scare" where I thought might have been pregnant. It really made my husband and I reevaluate our priorities and what the future holds for us. I know we could have made it work but I did find our that I was not pregnant. What I did find out is that I have a uterine fibroid and an ovarian cyst. While many women have both of these, they often go unnoticed for many women because they do not experience any symptoms. Unfortunately for me, that is not the case. I notice and feel both of them and my body is very sensitive to changes in my body so they have been a source of discomfort and pain a great deal of the time. I am in no way sharing this to get sympathy, I am just trying to share where all of my sources of stress and tension come from on this journey I am on. I know I will be ok and I will get through it but it has added to my ever-growing list of "Things That Stress Me Out." It's a pretty loooooong list. ;-)
Earlier this year I also had a "scare" where I thought might have been pregnant. It really made my husband and I reevaluate our priorities and what the future holds for us. I know we could have made it work but I did find our that I was not pregnant. What I did find out is that I have a uterine fibroid and an ovarian cyst. While many women have both of these, they often go unnoticed for many women because they do not experience any symptoms. Unfortunately for me, that is not the case. I notice and feel both of them and my body is very sensitive to changes in my body so they have been a source of discomfort and pain a great deal of the time. I am in no way sharing this to get sympathy, I am just trying to share where all of my sources of stress and tension come from on this journey I am on. I know I will be ok and I will get through it but it has added to my ever-growing list of "Things That Stress Me Out." It's a pretty loooooong list. ;-)
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Still Working for What My Heart is Saying
I have been lazier than lazy the last week and a half but my husband keeps telling me I deserve it. I can't seem to register that in my brain though. I haven't even been running regularly. I keep blaming it on the cold but I really just can't seem to get jump-started to do anything. I only have one more week off and then we get it going again. In actuality, the other thing that has really kept us from doing things outside of the house is the lack of funds. I feel bad at times because I turn down requests to go places but a lot of the time its because we simply do not have the money to go. I feel, at times, that people just think we're being rude for saying no to things which makes me feel bad, but I know that these are sacrifices we need to make right now because of the path I have chosen. It doesn't always make it easier but my brain definitely understands the purpose. Aside from that, I have a week to get our house back in order. During the semester I have to just ignore the housework at times in order to place more of the focus on my schoolwork but I have no excuse now. BTW, I hate cleaning but at the same time I hate when it's not clean. Go figure.
I am rededicating myself to running this week too. I didn't run for 3 weeks because I chose sleep over running at the end of the semester but I can't stay down that long. I am planning on doing a half marathon in 9 weeks. I think that I can train for it in that amount of time and I know that if I sign up for it, I'll do it because I cannot stand to waste money. As soon as my financial aid comes in this week I'M SIGNING UP! I also have a 7k I'm going to sign up for later in March. I'm excited to get started again but my running schedule will definitely have to change with my new school schedule and with my husband starting school also. It should be interesting.
Speaking of school, I ended the semester with a 3.56 GPA which is only .03 less than it was before this semester. That fact alone made my C in organic chemistry bearable. I got a B+ in physics and A's in the rest of my classes including my organic chemistry lab. If I can get A's in the rest of my classes (which I can totally do) I should still be able to bring my GPA up a considerable amount in my last 3 semesters.
Everything in my life always seems like so much but I just keep telling myself, "I'm working for what my heart is saying." It always works.
I am rededicating myself to running this week too. I didn't run for 3 weeks because I chose sleep over running at the end of the semester but I can't stay down that long. I am planning on doing a half marathon in 9 weeks. I think that I can train for it in that amount of time and I know that if I sign up for it, I'll do it because I cannot stand to waste money. As soon as my financial aid comes in this week I'M SIGNING UP! I also have a 7k I'm going to sign up for later in March. I'm excited to get started again but my running schedule will definitely have to change with my new school schedule and with my husband starting school also. It should be interesting.
Speaking of school, I ended the semester with a 3.56 GPA which is only .03 less than it was before this semester. That fact alone made my C in organic chemistry bearable. I got a B+ in physics and A's in the rest of my classes including my organic chemistry lab. If I can get A's in the rest of my classes (which I can totally do) I should still be able to bring my GPA up a considerable amount in my last 3 semesters.
Everything in my life always seems like so much but I just keep telling myself, "I'm working for what my heart is saying." It always works.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Organic Chemistry Will be the Death of Me!
Wow! It's been over a month since my last post. So much to catch up on, soooooo....Organic chemistry is still kicking my ass and with less than 2 weeks left of school I have to dedicate the next 10 days to school. I may actually have to be ok with a C in OChem, which I will not really be ok with but I can deal with it. I'm pretty sure I can pull a B out of physics (Thank God!) and the rest of my classes will be A's (2 nutrition classes and my 2 research credits). There is a slight possibility that OChem could be a B but I would have to kill the final. I'm going to make that my goal but I'm holding no expectations that miracles will occur. I can admit that chemistry just doesn't make sense to my brain and I worked pretty damn hard for whatever grade I get. I still don't know how I got a B the first semester. I am actually more concerned with how a C will affect my GPA. Worrying never benefited anyone though right? Anywho, I still have a lot of work to complete the next 10 days because I have to cram 29.5 hours of work on my research project, I have to write a 1000 word research paper, I have to complete a group project for nutrition and I have a 4th test AND a final to complete for physics. On top of that, I refuse to not run so I will be fitting that in when I can. I have already made a schedule for this week and I actually think that I can stick to it, mostly. I.GOT.THIS!! I just keep telling myself that after this semester my life will be less stressful and I'll be beginning the adventure that will truly bring me to the next destination, OSTEOPATHIC SCHOOL!!! I'm not quite there though but it's coming really fast.
My schedule for next semester has been the one thing that has kept me going. It's pretty relaxed compared to the last 6 semester I've had since I only have 1 science class. Woo-hoo! I'm trying to do some volunteering at a local clinic and I am going to contact some physicians about shadowing for the semester as well. I think that would be really phenomenal. I also have a friend from high school who is a physician and I really want to pick her brain a little. Along with all of that, my husband is starting school also. I'm really excited for him and proud of him. He has had a whole bunch of opportunities set before him and the only thing left to do to put all the pieces in place is for him to get his degree. Even if we end up moving for my school, we're making sure that he can continue on his path. He really is a phenomenal man and this journey of mine would not be possible without him.
So my both of my little people are a year older now (5 & 8) and as much as I love seeing them grow, I miss when they were little and they could sit in my lap and I could hold them. My babies are getting too huge! No seriously, my 8 y.o. wears a size 12 in clothes, a 5.5 in shoes and weighs 75 lbs. My 5 y.o. is trying his hardest to catch up too. Despite that, it is really cool to have real conversations with both of them and learn about how and what they think about things. They have a winter concert next week so pictures may be in order.
My schedule for next semester has been the one thing that has kept me going. It's pretty relaxed compared to the last 6 semester I've had since I only have 1 science class. Woo-hoo! I'm trying to do some volunteering at a local clinic and I am going to contact some physicians about shadowing for the semester as well. I think that would be really phenomenal. I also have a friend from high school who is a physician and I really want to pick her brain a little. Along with all of that, my husband is starting school also. I'm really excited for him and proud of him. He has had a whole bunch of opportunities set before him and the only thing left to do to put all the pieces in place is for him to get his degree. Even if we end up moving for my school, we're making sure that he can continue on his path. He really is a phenomenal man and this journey of mine would not be possible without him.
So my both of my little people are a year older now (5 & 8) and as much as I love seeing them grow, I miss when they were little and they could sit in my lap and I could hold them. My babies are getting too huge! No seriously, my 8 y.o. wears a size 12 in clothes, a 5.5 in shoes and weighs 75 lbs. My 5 y.o. is trying his hardest to catch up too. Despite that, it is really cool to have real conversations with both of them and learn about how and what they think about things. They have a winter concert next week so pictures may be in order.
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