It has been a while hasn't it? I feel like this semester has been busy, unproductive, unorganized and so tiring, but at the same time it has been productive in so many other ways and there have been aspects that have made me delve deeper into my own thoughts and actions. I have been struggling all semester to stay motivated in everything I do, from schoolwork to running and yoga and I have felt like I have been losing the battle most days. Up until this point, I have been able to stay focused, maintain my grades and do all of my mommy/wife duties. It has just felt like it takes so much more effort recently. Compared to my past semesters, this one was supposed to be relatively easy because I only have one major science class (genetics), not to say it would not require any effort but not nearly as much as my 2 science semesters took. I feel like I may just be experiencing a burnout. Had I not chosen to take 3 years to complete my degree, I would be graduating in a month, but I decided to take my time a little and not stress myself out even more than I have been stressed out. I definitely feel that was the best choice for me and allowed me to pick up a minor that I love (nutrition) and complete my honors thesis in the way that I want to complete it, but at the same time I think my brain is ready to take a break. I haven't really taken a break since I started because I have taken summer school every summer as well and that trend will continue this summer as well along with studying for the MCAT in July. All I can say is it has been a struggle and I am still trying to work through it. I have tried to be more prayerful and I have been working to be consistent with my yoga as a way to clear my mind and find more focus but my grades still seem to be suffering slightly. Now my idea of struggling is not everybody's idea of struggling with grades but I am trying to stay where I need to be competitive for osteopathic school. I will get A's in both of my nutrition classes and probably my physics lab but I will probably get a B in my health sciences class and I will likely get a B in genetics. I realize that this is not horrible, but it is not what I expected from myself and it is not what I need to get where I want to go. I have 3.5 weeks to stay focused and do what I need to do. I got this! (Prayers and positive energy are welcome though.)
Earlier this year I also had a "scare" where I thought might have been pregnant. It really made my husband and I reevaluate our priorities and what the future holds for us. I know we could have made it work but I did find our that I was not pregnant. What I did find out is that I have a uterine fibroid and an ovarian cyst. While many women have both of these, they often go unnoticed for many women because they do not experience any symptoms. Unfortunately for me, that is not the case. I notice and feel both of them and my body is very sensitive to changes in my body so they have been a source of discomfort and pain a great deal of the time. I am in no way sharing this to get sympathy, I am just trying to share where all of my sources of stress and tension come from on this journey I am on. I know I will be ok and I will get through it but it has added to my ever-growing list of "Things That Stress Me Out." It's a pretty loooooong list. ;-)
