Yes I said it, 18 credit hours!!

I've been kind of crazy lately. Last week I was Crazy Cookie Lady and I kind of wore myself out. I had 2 tests and a paper due this week and this was a tough week because I just didn't have anything left in me. So I've decided I definitely have to get better at balancing my life out and not wearing myself too thin. When I thought about my transfer to ASU I knew it would be different then when I was at Phoenix College, but I didn't take into consideration how much my schedule would change and how much I depended on my schedule to help me do well in my classes. I follow a couple of other blogs of women who are currently in medical school and are mothers and the overwhelming theme I have heard from them is that it is necessary to live on a schedule and follow it in order to get through school successfully. I have definitely learned my lesson this semester and my life will be scheduled from now on.

So next semester I am taking 18 hours. I know, I'm crazy but they are all classes I need and I'm living by 2 rules: 1) if I have to I can drop a class and 2) if I can't make it through a 18 credit semester, how am I going to make it through medical school? I am taking Organic Chemistry I, Physics I, Calculus for Health Sciences, Death and Dying in Different Cultures, and an honors class on how food creates community. The Death and Dying class is online and I think it will be very interesting and the honors class is once a week and we'll be going to different organic farms every week. I also am able to schedule time at school to study 3 days a week in between classes. I think its going to work. With the exception of Monday I will be done with my classes no later than 3:13 everyday. Monday is my Hell Day because I will be at school from 10:45am to 9pm at night but I will get both my recitations and my O. Chem lab out of the way. Only time will tell I guess. At least after next semester I can really start studying for the MCAT that I will be taking in another year and a half. Aaaaaaahh!

So these have felt like really tough times lately. My husband has not found a job and really if he found one it would make everything more complicated because we would have to do something with our youngest son and hope that he would get out of work before our oldest gets out of school. We get some money every month from apartments that my husband owns with his business partner, but it really just covers our phone bill, insurance and a couple tanks of gas. What makes it difficult right now is that its the beginning of the holiday season and both of our boys' birthdays are during this time of year. I would say that I am not really as stressed about our situation as I have been in the past, but I feel bad that I can't get for my kids what I would like to get. We are fortunate though that we have taught our children to be thankful for everything that they get, no matter the size. We are also fortunate to have family that is understanding of our situation and is more then willing to help us with the things the boys need. I know that we are on the path that God has set for us so I am still working on being patient and surrendering to Him.

Oprah's Pretty Bomb Too. :-)

So this has been an interesting few weeks. I have been doing a lot of studying and doing relatively well in my classes, but at the same time I am having difficulty focusing on school like I have in the past. It is not for a lack of interest or a lack of challenge because my classes are very challenging and I like the subject matter of my classes most of the time (still can't wrap my head around certain parts of chemistry, try as I might) but I feel like my brain is either preoccupied with other things that I do not necessarily want to be preoccupied by or, well really I just don't know. When I buckle down and make myself study, I do just fine and no matter how tired I am I have the energy to do that without a problem. I feel at time like my brain and thoughts are foggy and scattered. It's frustrating. There are times when I feel like I am not understanding or getting something, only to discover I do understand it and I can even explain it to others successfully. Either way, I was able to get an A on my last nutrition test (WOOO-HOOO!!) and I am waiting for the scores on my biology and chemistry tests. My fingers are crossed and many prayers have been said.

So lately I have been considering the notion of starting my own home-based baking business making cookies. The idea is to allow them to fund my running hobby AND, most importantly, allow me to give back to people. I would like to be able to allocate a certain amount of money from each cookie sold to be donated to various charities and organizations that fund research for different diseases. A large majority of the races that happen throughout the year are to raise money for different causes (breast cancer, AIDS, multiple sclerosis, etc.) and my hope is to be able to run at least 1 race per month and whatever money is raised for donations in the previous month I will be able to donate to that race while still making a small profit to be able to run and help my family out. I have looked into it extensively and it would be fairly easy to start and has very low start-up costs. The hardest thing would be to make the time to bake and network to get the word out. I have a lot of resources for getting the word out and I have even entertained the idea about using the cookies to help other people raise funds to donate to the cause of their choice whether it be for a run or not. It is in my heart to do this and I actually had the idea while I was running a couple of weeks ago. Over this weekend I am going to work on my business plan and make some cookies to give away to get some feedback on whether people are interested in buying them and to practice a little.

I was watching Oprah's Lifeclass this morning and I believe that God gives you signs all the time but they have to come at the right time and you have to be open to receive them and acknowledge them when you do. I have been feeling discouraged lately because our financial situation is once again becoming difficult, added to the fact that our boys' birthdays are both in the next month. Also, I am not sure how fast I can really begin this business venture I would like to start and how fast it would actually be able to benefit us. Added to that are some health concerns I have been having which I really think I'm overreacting about, but are there nonetheless. In one of the clips from her life class show she first said something as I was actually thinking it in my head. Like her voice and my voice in my head were talking at the same time. "Through God all things are possible." The second thing she said is, "Whatever you believe deeply, you will create." I almost started crying. For some reason Oprah speaks to me in a way that makes me believe even more deeply in what my beliefs are and makes me feel more confident about what I want to create. I am going to become a doctor because I believe I am here to enrich people's lives and make some type of mark in the world in a positive way. What I have been somewhat struggling with is that I do not feel as though practicing medicine is the only way I am supposed to do that but I was unsure about how else to do that. I have been feeling though that I needed to start my life's work now and not wait until I graduate from medical school. I am still soaking in all of these ideas, but I think I see where my path is heading. God is great. Oprah's pretty bomb too.